Dealing with Chaos, Survival, and Love

By Sandy Hibbard

It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of our days. Frustration, procrastination, overbooked schedules, not enough money — the things we must deal with are endless. Each day presents its own set of challenges, and sometimes it feels like we’re barely keeping our heads above water. This morning was no exception for me.

As I juggled my work schedule around a doctor’s appointment, stole a moment to watch Paw Patrol with my grandson, and prepared for a business trip to New York, the anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. The last thing I wanted to do was drive to yet another doctor’s appointment, again to the dermatologist to have another damn mole removed. It all weighed heavy on my mind as I said goodbye to my family, but then my daughter’s words stopped me in my tracks: “Would you rather be dead? Would you rather be going to chemo?”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Would I rather be dead? The answer, of course, was no. Chemo? Hell no! Despite the inconvenience, despite the fear of another procedure, I knew that facing these challenges was a privilege denied to many. It was a reminder to embrace life, even in its most chaotic and scary moments.

I guess you could say I’ve been on a journey of survival. Over the past 19 months, I’ve faced melanoma head-on. I have had around 13-14 moles surgically removed (I feel like a patchwork quilt!), two melanomas “dug out” along with lymph nodes, CAT scans and MRI’s — each procedure a stark reminder of the fragility of life. It’s a journey that has tested me in ways I never imagined, but it’s also a journey that has taught me the true value of my family and every moment that we draw breath.

Recently, I listened to an episode of the podcast Hidden Brain titled “Ventilator.” It explored our attitudes towards life and death, highlighting how we often talk big about not wanting to be on life-support when we are healthy and planning for the end of life, but when we are actually faced with the choice between life and death, we choose life without hesitation. It’s a powerful reminder of our innate will to survive, even in the face of overwhelming odds. It has helped me understand the UNDERSTATED will to live that my dad had when he was going through cancer, and that my mom has who is suffering from crippling scoliosis and dementia. No matter how old you are, you want to live!

Reflecting on my own journey, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the gift of life. Each day is a precious opportunity to embrace all that it has to offer — the highs, the lows, and everything in between. The things we want to do and the things we loathe to do. It’s a reminder to accept each  moment we have, to cherish the ones we love, and to never take another day for granted.

So, what is your heart feeling? What is your soul going through? In the midst of life’s chaos, take a moment to pause and reflect. What pisses you off, turns you on, gives you strength? And what’s up with love? For me, love is the driving force behind it all. It’s what gives me the strength to face each day with courage and resilience. It’s what reminds me that no matter how dark the storm may seem, there is always a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

This life — in all its messy, beautiful glory, is definitely worth embracing. Let’s seize each moment with gusto, knowing that we have the power to shape our own destinies. Let’s choose life, not just today, but every day. After all, would you rather be dead? I think not.

Living in the moment is all the talk these days, but let’s face it, it’s easier said than done! Especially when we’re caught up in the whirlwind of daily life, juggling work, family, and everything in between that vies for our attention. That’s why I always say that living in the now is a “practice”, a discipline that requires focus and intentionality. In this tech society we all live in, we are addicted to the stimulus that sends us chasing after 10,000 shiny objects every day!  And in all the noise, we RESIST even the slightest whisper of quiet. We pick up our phones and start scrolling on every down moment we have. We’re trying to fill that space, but it only increases our boredom and takes us further away from our goal of embracing the present moment.  Here is a nugget of wisdom, maybe it’s time to learn the art of embracing boredom!

I think boredom gets a bad rap. You see, boredom isn’t just a sign of laziness or lack of stimulation. It’s an invitation to pause, to disconnect from the constant stream of distractions, and to simply be present with ourselves and our surroundings. It can be a catalyst for greater presence and mindfulness.

Living in the now isn’t just about experiencing fleeting moments of joy or excitement; it’s about fully immersing ourselves and accepting where we are in our life, no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in.

Imagine you’re out for a stroll, the sun kissing your skin, birds chirping in the distance, and the gentle rustle of leaves under your feet. Suddenly, you’re struck by a sense of wonder and awe at the beauty of the world around you. That, my friends, is the magic of presence.

But hold on, I know what you’re thinking. “But Sandy, I’ve got bills to pay, deadlines to meet, a thousand things on my to-do list!” I hear you, I really do. But here’s the thing: living in the moment doesn’t mean shirking responsibilities or ignoring the future. It’s about finding pockets of presence amidst the chaos, however small they may be.

As Eckhart Tolle reminds us, the present moment holds no problems; our worries and anxieties belong to the past or the future. So why not focus on what is good and beautiful right now (the wow is happening now!)? Even mundane tasks like cooking dinner, doing laundry, pulling weeds, or corralling wild kids can become opportunities for mindfulness and appreciation – when we are present.

In our world, where instant gratification is the norm, boredom has become somewhat of a lost art. But there’s something to be said for allowing ourselves to be bored, to sit with our thoughts and emotions without the need for constant stimulation.

Now, I’m not saying we should all quit our jobs and spend our days frolicking in meadows (although, wouldn’t that be nice?). What I’m suggesting is a shift in perspective, a conscious effort to embrace the beauty of the mundane, the everyday moments that often pass us by unnoticed.

Our mind is a fascinating place. In itself it is rich with seeds of possibilities that can grow into ideas and passions and wonderful creations. The culprit in our society today is that we are very spoiled on being able to pick up a device and entertain ourselves, ignoring the spaces we are given for self discovery. Again, there is something to say for boredom.

Think back to your childhood, to those lazy summer days when boredom was a badge of honor, a sign that you had the luxury of time to spare. What if we could reclaim that sense of wonder and curiosity, even in the midst of our busy adult lives?

So, the next time you feel the urge to reach for your phone or tablet in moments of boredom, why not try something different? Step outside, breathe in the fresh air, or just stand up and walk!  Allow yourself to be fully present in the beauty of the moment. It may just be the most fulfilling experience you’ll have all day.

Remember this: boredom is not the enemy, but a gentle nudge from the universe to slow down, to reconnect with ourselves and the world around us. So go ahead, embrace the boredom, and let it lead you on a journey of self-discovery and presence. After all, as they say, the present moment is the only moment that truly exists.

With warm affection,

© Sandy Hibbard

As a mother I celebrate myself

I raised two incredible humans. Our path was unusual and hard. The effects of divorce were substantial, far reaching and painful as much for them as it was for me. The mother spirit that was with me when I gave birth has only grown stronger through the years. And most importantly, the pursuit of my love has been never ending; leading us into the relationships that we share today as strong and loving individuals. I am proud to be a mother and I celebrate the strength and wisdom that I have gained through the challenges and the triumphs – and the joys – of raising my son and daughter.

I celebrate my daughter as a mother

When raising my daughter it was important to me to give her the example of motherhood that I wanted her to give to my grandchildren. The intimacy of our close relationship throughout her life built a foundation of trust and respect through sharing and non-judgmental acceptance. Today I see these qualities coming into fruition in my daughter as she raises her new baby. The patience and love, present awareness and tenderness she exhibits is a jewel in my crown as a mom. I really couldn’t be more proud of her.

As a daughter I celebrate my mother

Underlying my motherhood and my daughters, is the tapestry of wisdom, unconditional love, and strength of my mother. As in most families, and with all mothers, throughout life there are circumstances that mark your maturity, and situations that have the power to make you or break you. Mom has endured in grace, embraced the good and the bad, and has lived through hell and came back with a faith that is unbreakable. Her example of unconditional love and faithfulness has marked my life and continues to inspire me today as a mother and grandmother. She is a queen among women, a force to be reckoned with.

Mothers everywhere I celebrate you

I encourage you mothers to stay focused on your role as a mom. To realize that there is nothing more important than the task at hand to raise your children, and to do it in love and with patience. It is the diversity of women across the world and how they lovingly give and accomplish this task that is indeed the beauty of motherhood.  Happy Mother’s Day to all!

Fill your heart your mind your soul

Every day

Fully

Richly

Completely

Then give

Freely

Lovingly

Unselfishly

Out of the abundance

You possess

© Sandy Hibbard

“A Brooklyn Moment”
… a little story from my morning adventure

Listen to the full story at the audio link below and get all the personal details and thoughts on my “Brooklyn Moment” …

 * * * * * 

Before starting work, my mornings usually involve going for coffee, stopping by the post office and a quick visit to the bank or grocery store. Somedays, as I walk through my neighborhood completing my errands, I run across some real delights.  I am lucky to live in the most amazing place in the world and my little universe of Brooklyn, New York is never stingy in offering adventures into the diversity of human experience.  Today was just one of those days.
I am always amazed at the kindness that you can find in this world when you need it most, when you choose to open your eyes and see.  You have often heard me say, “if you smile at the world, the world will smile back at you”.  Today, in my “Brooklyn Moment”, I found kindness. It was as though the world was not only smiling, but winking at me.
It started at breakfast at the Iris Cafe…

While enjoying my soy latte and Avocado toast and eggs, a gentleman (who was not my waiter) offered to refill my water after noticing my glass was getting low.  Then, when my eyes began to scan the room for my waiter so I could ask for a bottle of Cholula for my eggs – this same man offered to help, got up from his table to retrieve the hot sauce and quickly delivered it to my table.  He was kind and so attentive, wanting to make sure that everything I needed to enjoy my little breakfast, I would have. He was the owner (or manager) of the Iris Cafe, but I didn’t catch his name, although I wish I had. I recognized him from seeing him there at the cafe before.  Busy doing taxes or working on a bookkeeping or accounting project at a table next to me, he had transformed the 4-topper to a make-shift office there in the cozy Brooklyn Heights cafe. Although he was busy doing his own thing, he still took the time to notice when my water was getting low, or to watch my body language to see if I was enjoying my meal. He cared about his place of business and what I thought about the experience.  Perhaps he was short staffed so he was hyper sensitive to help out when needed. Whatever the reason, he was tuned in to my need. There in his place of business, he went out of his way to make sure I was a happy camper. Needless to say, I was impressed. Not just because I was having a good breakfast with great service, but also because his display of genuine human kindness made the difference to me in that moment in time.
As I left the restaurant on this beautiful day, it was hard to return to the office, so I took the long way back via the Brooklyn Bridge Greenway down by the East River.  The path takes me all the way up the river walk from Atlantic to Fulton Street where I turn on Columbia Heights to get back to my little abode and work space. The walk along the Greenway offers a stunning view. I NEVER get tired of it. You can feel the pulse and the hum of the city there – the people, nature, industry, business –  all in tandem, offer an energy that is so inspiring.

As I am walking along the Greenway by the River, I come along the Picnic Peninsula at Pier 5 and decide to stop for a few minutes to respond to a text from my friend in Greece. Oddly enough, when the following scenario began to happen, he and I were talking about the problems in the world today and how much we wish we could all come together.

As I am sitting at the picnic table under a blue umbrella taking in the view and feeling the sun and sea breeze on my face, I notice a group of Hasidic Jews walking my way. Not just one or two like I have seen before, but this was a GROUP of maybe 20 or more.  Aside from their unique clothing, the first thing I noticed as they approached was their interest in a large and very beautiful poodle that a woman was walking.  They all stopped together to look at the dog.  One of the men was explaining to the others that it was a big dog and they could pet it!  They seemed to be genuinely intrigued by the animal, it’s size and golden curly hair, so much so that they pressed in further to touch the dog until after a couple of minutes the woman politely excused herself and walked away. At that point they all headed over in my direction to sit down with me at the long picnic table.  It was then that I realized these were special needs men and must have been part of a community group of some kind.
There were several caretakers along with them, each one monitoring and helping the other men eat, unpacking their lunches, making sure they had a good seat and a view of the city.  They were ALL dressed in their religious garb as I have seen many times in Brooklyn and Manhattan – some with curls flowing down from their big hats, others with a simple kippot (yarmulke), black coats and shoes, black shirts and pants. It was such an odd sight to see on an early Tuesday morning – yet touching and beautiful. I admit, I was a little intrigued by the scene and rather than cut and run on, I decided to hang out with them and see what was going on and soak up a little bit of that love.

During my time at the picnic table, a ton of thoughts ran through my head (listen to the audio podcast above to hear more details),  until they all converged and landed on the awesomeness of DIVERSITY, and yet another opportunity to learn about LOVE. Here were adult professional men (very different from me or the world I come from) who were working with other mentally and physically challenged men – some who could hardly speak or use their fork to eat, some who could barely walk or comprehend where (or who) they were. These were fellow human beings, yet unlike me, they were challenged to do the things that I and my friend take for granted –  like ease of thought, speech, or physical movement. By noticing this activity and bearing witness of this GIVING, I was blessed to see another form of LOVE in action.
I had a brief conversation with one of the workers who explained their mission to me of helping these guys live a better life. He actually seemed grateful to me for staying around and talking to him, asking about his work. It was a worthwhile break on many levels.
[I am aware that many of you cannot do what I did this morning – you have a corporate job, or babies at home, your schedule will not allow it, so I share this to make you aware that it is in the NOTICING that we discover these little treasures in our day.  Putting away our phones for a time, getting off the computer for a minute, stepping outside, taking a walk where ever you are, noticing the cashier or the coworker – will offer up a million ways that you can discover and BE love in action. You simply must create a habit of looking for the opportunities.]
My take away from the Brooklyn Moment today was this: what a major impact it would make in the world if each of us would focus on providing the service of human kindness to the people in our lives, our work, our family, our community. Let’s become increasingly AWARE. Do NOT shuck our gifts and talents, but use them to BENEFIT others in a greater way for all of humanity. Wouldn’t it be something to see the RESULTS if each of us did that?!  It could resolve all our problems. Think about it.
Love and peace…

To love what you do, the people you work with, your colleagues, your clients, and really enjoy the environment you live in…. well, it’s priceless.

I had an invigorating and fun run early this morning: down the promenade, through the hood, with a stop at Starbucks then back through the hood and down to the park by the East river. Manhattan is sparkling and alive! Finally a loop around the Brooklyn Bridge Park and then back up the promenade home. I actually didn’t want to stop running or come in, it’s such a beautiful morning!

Never Give Up On Your Dreams – Nurture What Inspires You

This morning I realized how at home I feel here….my new world – Brooklyn/NYC – is so invigorating and absolutely teeming with a diversity of life that just wakes you up!  It took a lot of sacrifice for me to move from my comfortable nest and quiet suburban Texas home to the metropolis of the Big Apple, but finding this little neighborhood and discovering a  new connection to myself has been worth it.

I have always known that it is better to choose a place that you love to live over a place or a job choosing you because of circumstances. I am getting to experience that for the first time myself.

I understand it’s not always possible to get up and change your life and move to your dream city, after all, it’s taken me this long in my life to get here. However,  I want to courage you today to never give up on your dreams, keep your site on where you ultimately want to be in your life.  Speak it out loud to the Universe!  Don’t allow yourself to adopt a “give up attitude” and think that you are stuck. You are NEVER stuck. What you can do is begin to make plans for the life you want. Change your attitude, and empower yourself to move forward. You can get out and move your body and feel the sun on your face, make your body and your mind stronger – that’s a huge start.  Get those endorphins running through you that will lift your spirits and ignite your creative mind.

To feel alive and inspired on a Monday morning is worth a lot of money to me. To love what you do, the people you work with, your colleagues, your clients, and really enjoy the environment you live in…. well, it’s priceless.

I’m thankful today and I’m grateful for this experience that inspires me and makes me feel like a million bucks.

Now, to the office to work on that million!
Love and hugs,
Sandy

For my brother Bruce

Every morning I have a little routine to start my day. After waking up I shuffle into the kitchen, fill up the water kettle, flip the little blue switch, grind the coffee beans and wait.  I wait for the water to heat and while I’m waiting I sometimes sit at my kitchen table and write postcards to friends, read an article from the latest issue of Vanity Fair or peruse recipes in my Savour magazine, some days I head back to my bedroom and start dressing for the day.

While the kettle is gurgling and hissing hot water, I’ll grab the organic non-fat milk from the fridge and pour it into my nifty Nespresso milk steamer, and I wait. I’m waiting for the right moment when the kettle flips off so I can pour the hot water over the freshly ground coffee I have carefully measured then scooped into the Braun coffee press. I reach over and push the little digital timer set for four minutes and wait (I’m waiting now, in fact, while I write this)… two  minutes left, I reach over to click the button to start whirling the fresh milk into a deliciously perfect steamy foam.  Two minutes.  Two minutes for steamed milk!

The beep beep beep from the timer sounds after four minutes to signal the coffee has released the intensity of it’s flavors. The Nespresso has stopped whirling and I am ready to assemble all the ingredients into a lush extra foamy latte.  I lean over to the cabinet and grab my favorite mug of the day, sugar, and a spoon, fill the mug up half way with coffee (it is strong) then top it off with the hot milk – followed by the beautiful foam and a dash of a chocolate/sugar/cinnamon mixture on top. Yumm!

Now, time to sit down and sip my cup of freedom, finish my postcards, finish the article, or select a recipe for that evening. On mornings that I have appointments or deadlines, that cup of freedom will travel with me in the car or back to the bedroom to dress. No matter what, after my ritual, when I drink my coffee, I am reminded of how all good things take time, how the delicious parts of life should be watched and savored step-by-step, moment-by-moment.  This is my cup of freedom. It says to me that I alone can choose to participate in my freedom – to experience it on my own time, my own terms, orchestrated by my own inner music.  It sure beats sticking a plastic cup in a machine and running out the door!

My freedom routine each morning lasts for 20 minutes – MAX!  But those precious minutes belong to me and give me time to think about the ones I love, make plans for the day, and to be aware of the present moment. And let’s not forget about the coffee – fresh ground and pressed with a titch of hot milk or cream…just simply wonderful, the way it is meant to be consumed.

I have learned that there are some things in my life that are not worth shortcutting.  I am learning to look for more moments – to be aware, to create, to taste, to savor. Living soulfully is an art. Living soulfully is to embrace the loving moments that frame our life. I encourage you to be open to learning how to embrace the slower processes of making and enjoying the beautiful life that is you!

© Sandy Hibbard February 2018