Dealing with Chaos, Survival, and Love

By Sandy Hibbard

It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of our days. Frustration, procrastination, overbooked schedules, not enough money — the things we must deal with are endless. Each day presents its own set of challenges, and sometimes it feels like we’re barely keeping our heads above water. This morning was no exception for me.

As I juggled my work schedule around a doctor’s appointment, stole a moment to watch Paw Patrol with my grandson, and prepared for a business trip to New York, the anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. The last thing I wanted to do was drive to yet another doctor’s appointment, again to the dermatologist to have another damn mole removed. It all weighed heavy on my mind as I said goodbye to my family, but then my daughter’s words stopped me in my tracks: “Would you rather be dead? Would you rather be going to chemo?”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Would I rather be dead? The answer, of course, was no. Chemo? Hell no! Despite the inconvenience, despite the fear of another procedure, I knew that facing these challenges was a privilege denied to many. It was a reminder to embrace life, even in its most chaotic and scary moments.

I guess you could say I’ve been on a journey of survival. Over the past 19 months, I’ve faced melanoma head-on. I have had around 13-14 moles surgically removed (I feel like a patchwork quilt!), two melanomas “dug out” along with lymph nodes, CAT scans and MRI’s — each procedure a stark reminder of the fragility of life. It’s a journey that has tested me in ways I never imagined, but it’s also a journey that has taught me the true value of my family and every moment that we draw breath.

Recently, I listened to an episode of the podcast Hidden Brain titled “Ventilator.” It explored our attitudes towards life and death, highlighting how we often talk big about not wanting to be on life-support when we are healthy and planning for the end of life, but when we are actually faced with the choice between life and death, we choose life without hesitation. It’s a powerful reminder of our innate will to survive, even in the face of overwhelming odds. It has helped me understand the UNDERSTATED will to live that my dad had when he was going through cancer, and that my mom has who is suffering from crippling scoliosis and dementia. No matter how old you are, you want to live!

Reflecting on my own journey, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the gift of life. Each day is a precious opportunity to embrace all that it has to offer — the highs, the lows, and everything in between. The things we want to do and the things we loathe to do. It’s a reminder to accept each  moment we have, to cherish the ones we love, and to never take another day for granted.

So, what is your heart feeling? What is your soul going through? In the midst of life’s chaos, take a moment to pause and reflect. What pisses you off, turns you on, gives you strength? And what’s up with love? For me, love is the driving force behind it all. It’s what gives me the strength to face each day with courage and resilience. It’s what reminds me that no matter how dark the storm may seem, there is always a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

This life — in all its messy, beautiful glory, is definitely worth embracing. Let’s seize each moment with gusto, knowing that we have the power to shape our own destinies. Let’s choose life, not just today, but every day. After all, would you rather be dead? I think not.

“People will forget what you said, will forget what you did, but will never forget how you  made them feel.”
~ Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou’s story in “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings“, and her poetry and prose has blessed my life in so many ways, I want to thank her.   This morning Maya Angelou passed away at age 86.  Her quote, written above, has been on my wall in my office for many years, reminding me to keep joy and happiness ever in my vision and to carry it forward to everyone I meet – no matter what I am going through.   It is women like Maya that pave the way for all men and women, giving us hope and inspiring strength to rise above our circumstances and find our voice.  I celebrate her life and her work today.

Love and peace,
Sandy

Love & Hugs,
Sandy

Beauty which Departs but Returns

The small floating island travels through the canal.

– Open the door, mother! So that we can surprise

that wandering soul who has arrived at our offerings;

the mirrors of the waterways have blinded her…

but she can feel her way, alone, to our house.

Prepare the food. That death may see

that this love of life we offer as a gift

so that she may better understand what the mystery

has bequeathed.

– Yes, dear daughter. Our house, clean, welcomes our

visitor.

Lights. Incense. Tamales. Chairs.

The bed is made with flowers which we bought.

The little floating house is beauty that traverses

by the unparalleled road of all the river banks

we get on and then… Will we return?

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