By Sandy Hibbard

What gives your life direction? That’s a good question, and a question we strive to answer throughout our life. A comforting thought to me is there is no one correct answer. Our direction comes from the many ‘cues’ we get throughout our journey. I like to think our direction is as fluid and winding as the water running down from the mountain. It definitely has a destination, but the flow can change course for many reasons. Life is much like that.

As we begin to gain consciousness and grow into a little person, our first cues come from our parents. They lay the ground work for our early lives. Our moms, dads, siblings, and extended family give us our first examples to follow – good or bad. They initially set the stage for us. As we grow older and we become more independent in our thinking, it is our environment that takes center stage and begins to influence our decisions and the choices we make.

Certainly factors like religion and culture will cue us to follow certain paths. Our teachers will inspire us, our mentors will help us hone our skills that will in turn help us achieve our goals and dreams, and our trusted loved ones will each have a profound influence over us. We become an amalgamation of all the things and people who touch our lives. All these people and environments have a profound effect on the direction we will take for our life. 

In my life, my sense of purpose and meaning was taught early from the religious beliefs that surrounded me. That set me in a direction to pursue the thing that I felt gave me purpose. My association with religion and being raised in a Christian pastor’s home was huge in giving me direction – miss guided or not – effecting my decisions on marriage, sexual relations, political beliefs, education, and more.

What gives direction to our lives varies greatly from person to person. We are each very unique in our thinking and our emotions; this is what makes humans so distinctively different from each other. But there is one central influence that often emerges in most people, and that is our sense of purpose or meaning.

A Sense of Purpose that Drives the Direction of our Life

Our sense of purpose and self-worth are multifaceted, arising from an interplay of internal perceptions, social interactions, biological mechanisms, personal experiences, and broader existential reflections. These elements not only shape our identity but also provide direction and motivation in our lives. Here’s a detailed breakdown:

1. Psychological Factors

• Self-Perception and Identity: How we view ourselves and our roles in the world significantly influences our sense of purpose. This self-perception is shaped by our experiences, achievements, and the feedback we receive from others.
• Intrinsic Motivation: Engaging in activities that align with our passions and interests can foster a strong sense of purpose. When we do what we love, we often feel more fulfilled and valuable.
• Personal Values and Beliefs: Our core values and beliefs provide a framework for understanding our purpose in life. When our actions align with these values, we tend to feel a greater sense of worth.

2. Social Factors

• Relationships and Community: Connections with family, friends, and communities can enhance our sense of belonging and purpose. Positive relationships provide support, validation, and a sense of being valued by others.
• Social Roles and Responsibilities: The roles we play in society, such as being a parent, friend, or professional, contribute to our sense of purpose. Fulfilling these roles successfully can boost our self-worth.
• Cultural and Societal Norms: Societal expectations and cultural norms influence our understanding of purpose. Different cultures emphasize different aspects of life, shaping what we perceive as meaningful.

3. Biological Factors

• Neurochemistry: Certain neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and serotonin, play a role in our feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Positive experiences and achievements can trigger the release of these chemicals, enhancing our sense of purpose and self-worth.
• Evolutionary Perspectives: From an evolutionary standpoint, having a sense of purpose can be linked to survival and reproductive success. Feeling valuable and purposeful can motivate individuals to contribute to their community and ensure the survival of their genes.

4. Personal Experiences

• Life Events and Milestones: Significant life events, both positive and negative, shape our sense of purpose. Overcoming challenges and achieving goals can enhance our self-worth, while setbacks can prompt reflection and growth.
• Learning and Growth: Continuous learning and personal development contribute to a dynamic sense of purpose. As we grow and evolve, our understanding of what gives our life meaning can change.

5. Spiritual and Philosophical Influences

• Spirituality and Religion: For many, spirituality and religious beliefs provide a profound sense of purpose and self-worth. These frameworks often offer answers to existential questions and a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself.
• Philosophical Reflection: Engaging in philosophical contemplation about the meaning of life and our place in the world can also shape our sense of purpose.

Our choices along the way will enhance or sabotage the direction of our life. Life events will absolutely change our course as will personal relationships and love interests. But at the foundation of it all is the overall sense of self-worth and purpose we carry with us. 

Dealing with Chaos, Survival, and Love

By Sandy Hibbard

It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of our days. Frustration, procrastination, overbooked schedules, not enough money — the things we must deal with are endless. Each day presents its own set of challenges, and sometimes it feels like we’re barely keeping our heads above water. This morning was no exception for me.

As I juggled my work schedule around a doctor’s appointment, stole a moment to watch Paw Patrol with my grandson, and prepared for a business trip to New York, the anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. The last thing I wanted to do was drive to yet another doctor’s appointment, again to the dermatologist to have another damn mole removed. It all weighed heavy on my mind as I said goodbye to my family, but then my daughter’s words stopped me in my tracks: “Would you rather be dead? Would you rather be going to chemo?”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Would I rather be dead? The answer, of course, was no. Chemo? Hell no! Despite the inconvenience, despite the fear of another procedure, I knew that facing these challenges was a privilege denied to many. It was a reminder to embrace life, even in its most chaotic and scary moments.

I guess you could say I’ve been on a journey of survival. Over the past 19 months, I’ve faced melanoma head-on. I have had around 13-14 moles surgically removed (I feel like a patchwork quilt!), two melanomas “dug out” along with lymph nodes, CAT scans and MRI’s — each procedure a stark reminder of the fragility of life. It’s a journey that has tested me in ways I never imagined, but it’s also a journey that has taught me the true value of my family and every moment that we draw breath.

Recently, I listened to an episode of the podcast Hidden Brain titled “Ventilator.” It explored our attitudes towards life and death, highlighting how we often talk big about not wanting to be on life-support when we are healthy and planning for the end of life, but when we are actually faced with the choice between life and death, we choose life without hesitation. It’s a powerful reminder of our innate will to survive, even in the face of overwhelming odds. It has helped me understand the UNDERSTATED will to live that my dad had when he was going through cancer, and that my mom has who is suffering from crippling scoliosis and dementia. No matter how old you are, you want to live!

Reflecting on my own journey, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the gift of life. Each day is a precious opportunity to embrace all that it has to offer — the highs, the lows, and everything in between. The things we want to do and the things we loathe to do. It’s a reminder to accept each  moment we have, to cherish the ones we love, and to never take another day for granted.

So, what is your heart feeling? What is your soul going through? In the midst of life’s chaos, take a moment to pause and reflect. What pisses you off, turns you on, gives you strength? And what’s up with love? For me, love is the driving force behind it all. It’s what gives me the strength to face each day with courage and resilience. It’s what reminds me that no matter how dark the storm may seem, there is always a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

This life — in all its messy, beautiful glory, is definitely worth embracing. Let’s seize each moment with gusto, knowing that we have the power to shape our own destinies. Let’s choose life, not just today, but every day. After all, would you rather be dead? I think not.

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

It’s a given; We all want to live, we all want to love,  laugh, and experience a great life. It’s what humans want, to live a long and healthy life and have all the things we dream and desire.

In my 66 years I’ve learned that life is going to happen – no matter how well you plan or what you do. This is not a controlled experiment, there are too many variables. How can there be one formula to live a very long life that would fit all of us? Living well and living long depends on so many factors – geographical, societal, physical, familial, genetics, etc. etc.

My thoughts on living a long life? Do what you love and what you want to do right now – don’t wait. Eat healthy, eat less and move more. Be a part of community. Let hate go. Unforgiveness should not be on the menu at all.

Live in the moment and pay attention. Love with all of your might and as well as you can. Treat your bodies respectfully.  That is a good path. Is there more than that…?  I’m just not sure there’s anything or any more control we have over life than that. So maybe that is the secret… to let go of the control and not take everything so seriously…. and have a good damn time!

There are many of you who like me launched businesses in the early 2000’s who have weathered the storms of change over the last two decades. From the anxiety of moving from the 90’s to “Y2K”, to getting through 9/11, the crash in 2008, adjusting to social media and new technology, and now COVID. It’s definitely been a brewing pot for new stories, and lessons learned as we embrace different ways of doing business. Like Don in that final season of Mad Men when he lost everything before coming full circle into his potential, we must rethink our skills and behavior, albeit painful and not without consequence, to be taken seriously. Without the respect and recognition for his past accomplishments, when Don returned to Sterling Cooper, he had to prove himself all over again, regardless of his superior experience.

Today, if we are moving forward it is because we are seeing the new business climate as a challenge to embrace, and we are working to reinvent ourselves to accomplish that.  We have to learn to shift our thinking and ask “what are we doing to remain relevant, to adjust ourselves, in these new times?”.  We cannot rest on our accomplishments of 10 years ago, nope, we have to be willing to put ourselves out there, learn new things, create an environment for new accomplishments, and embrace new relationships.

“Change is neither good nor bad. It simply is.”