XOXO Sandy

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Love Let Go Flow
Ahh life – the ever unpredictable, changing ebb and flow of love, understanding, joy, ecstasy and pain, longing and desire. There is no other way to navigate it except by lifting the rudder and allowing the current to take you out to the beauty of the unknown.
Two seconds… the first is gone and the second… is here.
Embrace it, love it, be in it.

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© Sandy HibbardImage © Lisa Kristine and available at LisaKristine.com

30 Habits To Support Your Life and Happiness

Life has enough obstacles and challenges by itself that we don’t have to make it harder by adding a bad attitude or a stupid decision (ok, I know that SOMETIMES we are going to do that just because we’re human!) BUT, I believe we really can make it easier on ourselves.

We can prepare ourselves for a successful day, a wonderful life, by setting up patterns and habits that support the life we want.

It can be as simple as changing some of the basic decisions we make and actions  we do everyday. Getting out of our own head helps too. Get rid of the drama and strife – in all forms – past and future – and focus on embracing each moment (a lifelong challenge and journey for me indeed!)

I’m sharing 30 suggestions to help you keep the anxiety and complexity OUT and the simplicity and peace IN your life.  Don’t laugh, some of these are simple, but trust me, they carry amazing value!

1. Drink more water
2. Take deeper breaths
3. Respect your feelings, assess what you are truly feeling and why, then respond accordingly
4. Let go of the past
5. Stop spending so much money in hopes that it will bring more happiness
6. Depend upon yourself to discover happiness, not others
7. Move your body – walk, run, take a zumba class – move your most precious gift – a healthy body
8. Involve yourself in relationships that are uplifting, healthy and respectful
9. Stop the competition mindset and instead focus on discovering and embracing YOUR strengths
10. Give yourself at least 30 minutes a day to just be by yourself
11. Care about someone or something (pet, charity, etc) as much as you care about your own life
12. Clean up after yourself  – as you go
13. Never go to bed mad, especially at a loved one
14. Read more
15. Cook more meals at home
16. Let go of jealousy and instead recognize and foster your own gifts
17. Say less, listen more
18. Stop being involved in gossip – whether sharing or receiving
19. Change your oil every 3 months and rotate your tires
20. Keep your standards high instead of lowering them to be accepted
21. Never leave a dirty kitchen, clean it up after each use
22. Tell the truth – good heavens just be honest!
23. Send thank you cards
24. Be true to your word
25. Don’t take things personal, everyone comes from their own perspective, their own dream of their life, it has nothing to do with you
26. Limit your alcohol
27. Let go of perfection, and instead simply DO YOUR BEST
28. Take responsibility for yourself – stop blaming others
29. Don’t assume anything, if you don’t know, ASK!
30. Accept that you will have to work hard to attain what you desire and then get busy

I know there are many other habits that you could come up with that have helped you to overcome and secure more happiness and an inner joy and peace, so why don’t you share them with us!!

The first swim can be a bit daunting.  In this story, it was cold at first, but after sweeping and cleaning the pool, raking and bagging  leaves for weeks, the back pool area was looking so good that I thought, “why not, it’s 80+ degrees I will get use to it” and I did!  So, I jumped in.  COLD.  Made my skin hurt a bit.  But after a few short minutes and keeping my body moving across the water, I got use to it.  No longer did I feel the bite of the cold.  This experience was wonderful for me and allowed me to set a marker for Spring in my mind (not to mention that my pool season is officially open!), but looking deeper, it taught me something about life.

Sometimes trying something for the first time is frightening.  We’re afraid of the uncomfortableness of the environment (like cold water), but if we set our minds to it, jump in, swim, keep moving, keep breathing – we find ourselves becoming one with it.  And that goes for the good AND the bad, you can get used to it.  So take this little lesson to both extremes – you can jump into shit and get use to the nastiness, or you can jump into beauty and get use to the sweetness.  It depends on what you jump into!  I choose to create an environment that assists me in living my dream.  I make decisions on what it is that I want to do, what it is that helps me be my best for the people in my life, and I create that place to jump into.  A friend once told me  “you can live by choice or by consequence”, I choose to live by CHOICE.  Choose life and love, peace and kindness, beauty and passion – then jump in!

Love and Peace!  Sandy

This is Not My Life

A warm “hello” and kiss goodnight
bright eyes, sweet lips
a scurry of activities, part of the pack
cooking, eating, laughing, telling stories
family connection
broken times
high times
silent, I feel
dreams, dances, sweet kisses on my head
enticing me
to a life imagined
but not mine
waking up alone
wondering why
wondering where it all went
lingering tears remind me
of my reality
a quiet mix
real and imagined
angst and despair
love and hope
strength and tender frailty of my heart
is this my life?

It’s like being out on the sea when a storm blows up and there is no where you can go or hide. You simply have to batten down the hatches and ride out the storm.  Life is like that.

Many years ago I went through a terrible divorce that tore my family apart.  And like any divorce where children are involved, my beautiful babies suffered for the mistakes of their grownup parents.

My daughter was only 10 at the time and my son was a young 13 year old.  We were ripped apart.  The pain was nearly unbearable for all of us, but we made it through the storm.  We endured and grew closer together and more intimate than we ever could have imagined.

Sometimes those wounds surface though, and bring to each of us reminders of the pain, and that hurt can be as real as if it were happening now.  Life is like that too.  But year by year, moment by moment, just like you, we push through the pain and gain understanding, strength, and compassion for ourselves and others on a deeper level.  We learn to live this life in love and without judgement.

I wanted to share a poem that was written many years ago for her as we were weathering the violent storm that struck our lives. May it remind her of her beauty and the love that has always surrounded her while she was growing into a beautiful young lady.  I celebrate her on this day and every day, as the beautiful daughter she has always been, and the amazing woman she has become. She will always be my princess!

Love and hugs forever,
Sandy (momma)

Little Girl of Mine

Little girl of mine
rosy pink and soft
our little princess
you were always the boss
Funny little turned-up nose
lips unfolded like a rose
tender gentle heart
full of love and grace
strong and determined
while reaching out for mom’s embrace
I was always there
never left you for a minute
time and circumstance were cruel
but my love was with you in it
Beautiful young lady
tall and lean and graceful
never doubt your heart of love
it will teach you what you need to know
Soon you’ll find your own place
when mother’s not enough
you will grow to understand
and lean on thankfulness
Little lady of mine
a princess so refined
know this one important thing
and never give up on your dream
…you were born to sing!

© Sandy Hibbard

I have been snowed in the past couple of days and stuck inside my house without electricity due to a crazy ice storm in Dallas.  Late this afternoon, after help from my neighbor Pickens and a decision to get a hotel room for the night so I could warm up, I fearfully entered my 4-wheel drive vehicle and started the trek to Frisco to the hotel.  As I am driving with my hands tightly clasped to the steering wheel and singing cheerfully to the radio to help me forget about my fear, I was reminded of what a wus I am.  Sad, but I am really.  At my age, big strong single girl entrepreneur business owner Sandy, is afraid to get out in the ice and stay in the cold!  If I had it my way, the whole world would shut down when we had this kind of weather. Yes, I really am a wus (and I am not even sure I am spelling that right) but I am a thankful wus!

In this bad weather, my near freaking out, car stuck in the garage, worrying about family members traveling, feeling cold and like shit, trying to work, no electricity – did I mention that I was freezing?!! there were people everywhere doing their jobs, helping, serving, and being real human BEINGS!  That is one thing I love about shutting down for bad weather, it kinda brings the neighborly thing out in all of us.  So here I sit tonight cozy in my Aloft Hotel room. I’m warm, full of Campisi’s pizza and salad, just watched a new movie, and I am thinking WOW I am blessed!

In this day with my troubles my neighbor came to my aid and helped with my garage door and car, my brother came to my emotional rescue, my dear friend hooked me up with my hotel room, and another dear friend kept checking in regularly to make sure I was getting everything worked out, and my daughter and sisters were johnny on the spot to call and text throughout the day to check on me – THEN I get to my destination tonight and a young woman braved the weather to do her job with joy and courtesy and finally, a young man braved the weather to do his job and delivered my food with a great spirit and a big smile.

Now listen up guys, this is real living, this is the kind of stuff we need to notice and remember.  When troubles or difficulties or just a bad day happens, love is all around – grace is around the corner.  It all culminates from our life and what we are putting into it.  Don’t be afraid to ask.  Don’t be embarrassed to let down your defenses, DON’T be afraid to say “thank you, I love you!”, Don’t be afraid to NEED, and even when the bad stuff is going on, look at it through the eyes of a child to find the wonder and the learning from it.

Arriving relieved at the hotel (I had no incidents and did quite well driving thank you very much), I quickly grabbed my bag and laptop and crunched my way across the ice and entered the hotel lobby.  Getting out on the treacherous roads reminded of a blog post I wrote BEFORE THIS CURRENT SNOWSTORM about another experience on ice, I hope you enjoy!  

XOXOXOXOXOXO

When your footing is unsure, take it slow!

After being stranded in my house for several days after a bad snow storm, I had to get out to pick up a few things I had to have before the next wave of bad weather was predicted to hit – so I carefully started out in my car to head south toward my Tom Thumb grocery store….now mind you, this is the girl that has had more wreaks on ice than most people – more than I care to remember –  and I am TERRIFIED of ice and my driving, we just don’t mix.   This is when my DIVA comes out!  I need a driver! Well wish on!  So carefully I drove out of my neighborhood (and whoever told me to “man-up”, whatever!  You guys are crazy, driving on icy roads is treacherous and requires skills I haven’t learned yet!)  Ok, ok.  So as I ventured out, driving a mere 10 mph up Spring Creek, waiting to turn at the light on Preston with a wreak being cleaned up to my left, I begin to realize a life lesson…

“We are not a country where the small gesture goes unnoticed.  
We are not a country like France where charm,  something light
or effervescent, can survive.  We want everything you have.  
We want it as fast as you can turn it out”

I see it more everyday – we (I) move too fast.  We ALL move FAST, and faster if we’re really good.  Our brains are whirling, minds spinning with plans, goals, thoughts…how much can we make this year? how fast can we make it?  Got to loose weight today, grow my business by year end, get married, have kids, be more productive – NOW.  We’re not doing enough, not good enough, not pretty enough. We think fast, multi-task, listen to fast music, talk fast, love fast, grow up fast, grow old fast, and so here we are slipping and sliding into each other, hardly knowing what hit us, or how we hit it.  Dealing with decisions we made and not even remembering why we made them or what went wrong when they didn’t turn out the way we planned!  We start things fast and end them even faster.  I think you get my meaning here.

I have finally realized that to avoid an accident on icy roads requires that you slow down and PAY ATTENTION!  Move SLOWER, watch our footing – baby steps – be light footed.  No hard breaking, no slamming but gentle tap, tap, taps of the breaks, right?  Watch out for the other guy, give them room to move, to stop or turn.  Be less aggressive, more understanding, more forgiving, that is if you don’t want to wind up in the ditch turned the wrong way and your wheels spinning taking you NOWHERE!  Geeze!  Now when it comes to our lives and living to the fullest, I wish I could shout this message out to the world!

STOP!  SLOW DOWN!  CHILL OUT!

I’m thinking that if we would lay back and let our loved ones (and that includes ourselves) have the room needed to move forward, negotiate a turn or just come to a stop along the journey, then perhaps we would all get to where we are going unharmed and without delay!   When times are tough and your road is slick and treacherous, that is the time to slow down, tap tap tap, not SLAM into decisions.

You know the saying “when in doubt, don’t“, I agree with that and will add “when you’re not sure, navigate slowly”.  Now I know this defies all the marketing rhetoric we produce that says “take the leap of faith”, “money loves speed”, bla bla bla…  There are times in business when I will agree you need to push forward and move fast, kinda like when you are boarding or skiing on the black slopes, you better be ready to navigate those moguls and steep terrains with skill and expert caution, but I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about our personal lives.  How we live out of the core of our problems  personally, spiritually, soulishly and emotionally.   The rich foundation of solid thinking and loving will affect every other area of our life.  Stillness and balance.  We need to slow down a bit and pay attention to what our hearts are really wanting and saying.

Makes me think of one of the accidents I had on ice…..

I’m on a country road that is laced in ice and snow.  I’m traveling slowly and I see the ice ahead but I’m going downhill and really have no idea how to navigate it – it’s a big hill.  I am in over my head and I know it. When I approach the bottom of the hill where I need to make my turn, guess what?  I cant’ stop and I crash into the ditch, nearly totaling my car!   I remember the panic of that moment when I was going down that hill KNOWING I would not be able to stop.  What could I have done differently?  I’m not sure, maybe you can tell me, but I do know this, I had no business being on that road in the ice – it was a bad decision from the start.  AND I didn’t know how to navigate my vehicle on that terrain, PLUS I was going too FAST!   Moving slower, being more cautious, and taking another route would have been smarter and probably would have helped me avoid an accident.

I think it’s easy to see how these ideas and metaphors can apply to our personal experiences, but applying them to our lives is a bit more challenging, believe me I know.  I will just leave you with this:  You don’t want to slip and fall and crack your butt on ice, do you?  Of course not, so when you see it you avoid it and move cautiously around it.  When life hands you the slippery slope, the unanswered icy terrain, the undetectable black ice BS, move slowly.  Think, watch, take baby steps – and don’t rush into a decision – let the ice melt!

Oh, I almost forgot my disclaimer statement:  when you move slow, are more cautious, thoughtful, take baby steps, etc, you still might fall and crack your butt.  Just sayin….

Love and Peace!
Sandy

As I tell you often, I am learning to go with the flow. I am learning to be content with the way things are. And yes I throw fits and get unhappy, act like a shit, and feel completely unsettled sometimes – that’s when a call to a friend, a glass of wine and a good cry by the fireplace helps.

My blessings are in my face today in this quiet cold downtime – I am upheld by my spirit, dear beautiful friends, wonderful family, and people who love me, I am grateful that I am really never alone. Thanks to all of you, you know who you are.

I’m going to sign out now so I can finish drinking this hot cup of campfire coffee before it gets cold…

Love and hugs,

Sandy

Storms can blow up in your mind, but don’t worry, the weather always changes

Arhhh!  That soulish nature in us can certainly be a pain.  You know how you can get a thought under your skin so that it turns from being an innocent reflection to a destructive force that begins to color all your actions and level of confidence?  I do.  I’ve been there.  So I am here today to remind us to beware of destructive mind storms.  A mind storm starts from a negative state of mind, and when we nourish it will begin to manifest itself into reality.  Once it settles into our consciousness it can blow up one hell of a mind storm.  When that storm comes, don’t give it too much attention. Focus on what is at hand to do and don’t follow the negative spiral.  Like I have said before “change one thing to a positive and everything else will follow“.  The storm will blow away, just like the weather changes, it will change if you don’t give it fuel to keep burning.

The article below explains how mind hinderances lead to mind states lead to mind storms.  Put into Sandy’s simple terms, I think the key here is to focus on the good – love, peace and patience – and leave the yucky thoughts alone, they will pass.  Believe me, I understand that this is easier said than done, but we can do this!

Mind Hinderances
We know these and often talk of them as neediness, anger, low self-esteem, low energy, fear, and demoralization. As normal occasionally encountered experiences, they can make life problematic, but these hindrances can intensify into something more lasting. If they do so they may change from being “Mind Hindrances” to “Mind States.”

Mind States
A “Mind State” is a hindrance that is not transient. It comes to stay. A Mind State becomes a habitual outlook and response pattern. All life experiences are filtered through the Mind State. The Mind State of lust looks at everything through the lens of neediness and desire. Something is missing and life is not satisfactory. The angry Mind State is always on the verge of irritation and frustration and fills the air with tension. Habitual lethargy robs life of the energy required for day to day tasks and leaves none left over for new adventures. The Mind State of Doubt creates an insecure world while the fearful mind spreads anxiety into all areas of life.

Mind States are difficult to live with because they make life more fretful or tedious than needed. They become the lenses though which we view our life. A Mind State is hard to recognize and harder still to give up. It seems to be the reality.

Mind Storms
The real danger of Mind States, however, is that they can suddenly swirl up into “Mind Storms.” A Mind Storm is a Mind State out of control. Mind Storms blow in due to some real or imagined occurrence and can wreak havoc while present. Comments are made and actions are taken that are later regretted. With a Mind Storm in control clear vision is lost and judgement is clouded. Just as the storms of weather come and go, so do the storms of the “Mind.” They blow in and they blow out again and then the damage must be surveyed.

Mind Storms always give warning signs. These “storms” initially show up in that little voice of conscience that talks to us. You might recognize the voice of conscience as that positive voice that says, “Gee, you look good.” And, “That was a terrific job.” Or, in its negative tones, when it says, “That was really stupid. How could you be so dumb?” In a Mind Storm the voice is usually negative, critical, or irrational in its comments.  This little voice of self-talk can talk us into some bad spots. The challenge of Mind Storms is to learn to watch them come and go but not to react by feeding them more energy through negative thinking and impulsive deeds. We need to observe the little voice while not necessarily responding too seriously to it.

→ Remember the blog post I wrote on engaging the “noticer” when learning where to put the pain of our past?  You may want to read that in relation to observing Mind Storms.

Knowing all about Mind Hindrances, Mind States, and Mind Storms and being aware of the importance of attitude on daily life is no guarantee of protection. Given the right conditions a Mind Storm thunders in and takes over before you know it. Once present it is difficult to recognize.

Mind States come and go. Sometimes a Mind State turns into a Storm. The challenge of mindfulness is to catch the storm early and stop it. If you can’t stop it then just let it blow itself out. Don’t get caught up in it. Don’t act it out.

When a Mind Storm blows in you may think it is about one thing when it usually is about many things. You might think that it is there because of bad decisions or bad luck, when it could  be a chance to learn patience, or giving love.  Don’t miss the opportunity to learn from the situation because you overreact or make a hasty decision based on what you are feeling in that moment.

Mind Storms are hard to recognize when they are present. They seem to be the reality. In reality they are the illusion. So, watch the horizon of your mind. Look for the warning signs of a change in the weather. If storms do appear, just let them pass.

Remember the weather always changes.
Inspired by Mind Storms at Lessons4living.com

How many times have you blurted out something in anger, or frustration only to wish that you had kept your mouth shut and your opinion to yourself?  OMG! It happens to me too frequently, leaving me embarrassed and apologizing or feeling like poo! In this article from Lessons for Living, it teaches the importance on being aware so that you can temper yourself and your reactions by just taking a moment.  Breathe. Hesitate. Stop before you react. Think before you speak.

I hope it speaks to you like it did me.

Love and Peace,
Sandy

Learning to Hesitate

A recent luxury car radio commercial, which boasts of a new and smoother 8 speed automatic transmission, uses the announcers halting voice to effectively demonstrate just how frustrating hesitation can be, especially, when we need to be speeding ahead into traffic.
In daily life, however, learning to hesitate at the right moment may be one of the secrets of becoming a happier person.

A major obstacle to happiness often arises from being too impulsive, as when we rush into inappropriate comments, behaviors, and decisions. Hesitating just a moment before going into action can make a big difference in our lives.

Hesitation gives us time to reflect on what we are about to say or do by tuning in to our inner dialogue and making sure that we are talking sensibly to ourselves. Whenever life pushes our buttons, we go on “automatic” with no hesitation at all, and such habitual responses always begin with a thought. If we catch the thought, we can evaluate its usefulness.

This may be as simple as when in rushing to the office, a traffic light catches you, and leaves you sitting in your car wondering, “Why such bad things always happen to me.” (A good example of a negative automatic thought.) Or, upon finally arriving at work, your boss immediately gives you “another” difficult assignment, and all you can think of is how he always picks on you.

With a little hesitation in either instance you have the opportunity to realize that the traffic light has unexpectedly given you a chance to relax, rejuvenate, and enjoy the music on the radio. Hesitating and re-evaluating, you may also understand how much the boss depends on your ability to always get the job done no matter how tough it is. A moment of hesitation and reflection can enable a new attitudinal choice, which means a different behavior and better mood.

Knowing when to hesitate takes intention, awareness, and effort, however, successful hesitation means that you are no longer on automatic. Learn when to hesitate and see if life begins to go better.

Article from Lessons4Living