Dear Friends,

As many of you know, I recently lost my mother in June, and we laid her to rest on my birthday. It was an honor to share that day with her, but it was hard. I struggled to find solace in it. I finally worked out the understanding that saying “goodbye” to her on the day of my birth was and always will be a poignant reminder of the bond we shared. And I will need it, because getting through her loss will take a lifetime.

Losing a parent is a surreal experience that touches the deepest parts of our hearts. In our grief, it is as if we are compelled to do one of two things: either to sift through memories, or to move on as quickly as we can so not to give them another moment of our time! I chose the former, and as I peruse through the many memories of my mother, I am not only cherishing her legacy but also uncovering the layers of my own history. (Thank you mom for documenting so many moments of our life so unselfishly.)

Mourning our dear loved one is, to me at least, a therapeutic process. Revisiting moments from my past forces me to face my own narrative, my own story intertwined with hers. Each memory, whether it brings a smile or a tear, presents a chapter of my life that shapes who I am. Seeing that in my mind’s eye, in a way brings me comfort. It reassures me of the love I was given and the challenges I so bravely overcame. It reminds me too, of the pain and the struggles that my mom went through, and how high she set the bar for courage, strength, and love.

In these moments, I see clearly the significant role my mother played in molding me. I realize that now I have become the anchor in my own life. The absence of my mother brings a shift within me, an undeniable change that marks a new stage of adulthood. It’s a moment where I truly “grow up,” as the safety net I always had is no longer there. I find myself stepping into a new role, bearing the weight of my own existence and that of our family’s legacy.

No matter how good a daughter I was, there’s a lingering sense of regret. I feel that I didn’t appreciate her enough, didn’t spend enough time with her, and didn’t have the necessary conversations that could have bridged any gaps in our relationship. I wish I had known her better. Mother was so selfless, and always a giver and doing for others, if there was a selfish side I didn’t see it. I wish I had known more about her growing up, her feelings about being a preacher’s wife and living in a glass house. Her secret desires and wishes… It was only in the later years that I started asking her about more personal things. As long as she could, she would tell me a story. I wish I had made time for more of those conversations. These feelings of regret are natural, and it’s important to acknowledge them without letting them overshadow the love and connection we shared.

Putting all the pieces together after the death of my mom is a process that demands courage and openness. It takes time to sort through emotions and memories, and it’s essential to allow myself to feel everything that comes up. Right now, I feel like my anchor is gone and I am adrift and not sure which way to go or where I will end up. But by facing my feelings head-on, I honor her and myself, and will embrace the growth that I know will come from this profound loss.

In this journey, I strive to be kind to myself. I allow the memories to guide me through the grief, and I remember that in every reflection of my mother, I am also rediscovering parts of myself. This process, though painful, is a testament to the enduring love and influence of my mother’s legacy in my life.

Thank you for your support and understanding during this time. Your love and kindness mean more to me than words can express.

With heartfelt gratitude,

Sandy

By Sandy Hibbard

What gives your life direction? That’s a good question, and a question we strive to answer throughout our life. A comforting thought to me is there is no one correct answer. Our direction comes from the many ‘cues’ we get throughout our journey. I like to think our direction is as fluid and winding as the water running down from the mountain. It definitely has a destination, but the flow can change course for many reasons. Life is much like that.

As we begin to gain consciousness and grow into a little person, our first cues come from our parents. They lay the ground work for our early lives. Our moms, dads, siblings, and extended family give us our first examples to follow – good or bad. They initially set the stage for us. As we grow older and we become more independent in our thinking, it is our environment that takes center stage and begins to influence our decisions and the choices we make.

Certainly factors like religion and culture will cue us to follow certain paths. Our teachers will inspire us, our mentors will help us hone our skills that will in turn help us achieve our goals and dreams, and our trusted loved ones will each have a profound influence over us. We become an amalgamation of all the things and people who touch our lives. All these people and environments have a profound effect on the direction we will take for our life. 

In my life, my sense of purpose and meaning was taught early from the religious beliefs that surrounded me. That set me in a direction to pursue the thing that I felt gave me purpose. My association with religion and being raised in a Christian pastor’s home was huge in giving me direction – miss guided or not – effecting my decisions on marriage, sexual relations, political beliefs, education, and more.

What gives direction to our lives varies greatly from person to person. We are each very unique in our thinking and our emotions; this is what makes humans so distinctively different from each other. But there is one central influence that often emerges in most people, and that is our sense of purpose or meaning.

A Sense of Purpose that Drives the Direction of our Life

Our sense of purpose and self-worth are multifaceted, arising from an interplay of internal perceptions, social interactions, biological mechanisms, personal experiences, and broader existential reflections. These elements not only shape our identity but also provide direction and motivation in our lives. Here’s a detailed breakdown:

1. Psychological Factors

• Self-Perception and Identity: How we view ourselves and our roles in the world significantly influences our sense of purpose. This self-perception is shaped by our experiences, achievements, and the feedback we receive from others.
• Intrinsic Motivation: Engaging in activities that align with our passions and interests can foster a strong sense of purpose. When we do what we love, we often feel more fulfilled and valuable.
• Personal Values and Beliefs: Our core values and beliefs provide a framework for understanding our purpose in life. When our actions align with these values, we tend to feel a greater sense of worth.

2. Social Factors

• Relationships and Community: Connections with family, friends, and communities can enhance our sense of belonging and purpose. Positive relationships provide support, validation, and a sense of being valued by others.
• Social Roles and Responsibilities: The roles we play in society, such as being a parent, friend, or professional, contribute to our sense of purpose. Fulfilling these roles successfully can boost our self-worth.
• Cultural and Societal Norms: Societal expectations and cultural norms influence our understanding of purpose. Different cultures emphasize different aspects of life, shaping what we perceive as meaningful.

3. Biological Factors

• Neurochemistry: Certain neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and serotonin, play a role in our feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Positive experiences and achievements can trigger the release of these chemicals, enhancing our sense of purpose and self-worth.
• Evolutionary Perspectives: From an evolutionary standpoint, having a sense of purpose can be linked to survival and reproductive success. Feeling valuable and purposeful can motivate individuals to contribute to their community and ensure the survival of their genes.

4. Personal Experiences

• Life Events and Milestones: Significant life events, both positive and negative, shape our sense of purpose. Overcoming challenges and achieving goals can enhance our self-worth, while setbacks can prompt reflection and growth.
• Learning and Growth: Continuous learning and personal development contribute to a dynamic sense of purpose. As we grow and evolve, our understanding of what gives our life meaning can change.

5. Spiritual and Philosophical Influences

• Spirituality and Religion: For many, spirituality and religious beliefs provide a profound sense of purpose and self-worth. These frameworks often offer answers to existential questions and a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself.
• Philosophical Reflection: Engaging in philosophical contemplation about the meaning of life and our place in the world can also shape our sense of purpose.

Our choices along the way will enhance or sabotage the direction of our life. Life events will absolutely change our course as will personal relationships and love interests. But at the foundation of it all is the overall sense of self-worth and purpose we carry with us. 

When I was telling her (very vaguely) what I wanted in my life, I was unsure and stumbling all over my words.  I realized that I really wasn’t focused on what I was saying because I was too tired and stressed out and didn’t know for sure what I was feeling.  She said to me that she didn’t see the “sparkle” in my eyes when I was telling her about what I wanted to do.  Then later on in the conversation she said that I needed to get alone and find out “where my heart goes”.  That was it, that opened the gateway to thought and exploration.  Finding out where my heart goes will lead me to the passion my life requires!  Some years later, I have come to realize that finding where “my heart is going” is a real soul search!

I am a preacher’s kid.  Grew up in the church, was active in it all my young and teenage life.  I was a Jesus-Freak back in the day, protesting, passing out tracks on the streets, singing about Jesus in parking lots, ministering to street people.  Then as a young adult I was active in leadership in the church.  I co-pastored, taught Sunday school to adults, led a big choir and ran a music program, went to prisons, fed the hungry.  I was passionate.  Then life happens and we find ourselves moving on from a place of zeal into a place of “doing”.  I especially felt the reality of that when I got a divorce.  We move on…right?

Well, yes, and no.  We move on to grow up, mature and embrace a larger piece of life and reality.  But we also move away from the things that once brought a sense of purpose and fire to our hearts – the passion, the mission, the camaraderie of serving.  After talking to my friend this past week, I realized that we can move away from our heart’s path without ever knowing it.  We get cluttered up with the stuff we have to do, so much so, that we fail to take the time to listen to our hearts.  I have always believed that we are given certain talents, desires and gifts to use in this life.  If we don’t use them, then what the hell?

The truth is, I miss the passion, the mission, and the camaraderie I grew up with.  I miss working together with people who are seeking something better, wanting to give love with no strings attached.  I am haunted by memories of my past when my goals consisted of more than building a business, making money or getting a project done.  There is something each of us have within us that turns us on, something that stokes the fire that makes us who we are.  We are willing to follow it, commit to it, live for it, work for it and yes, sacrifice for it.

I have come to understand through my life and experiences, that we must treat our own hearts like we treat the heart of our treasured loved ones.  It must be nurtured, tended to and trusted.  When I spend the time with my heart, seeking it’s desire, I begin to experience the passion, the intrigue, the joy, of KNOWING it, over and over again.

Here’s to slowing down and emptying the busyness out for a time so that we can begin to know our hearts again!
Love and Peace,
Sandy

By Sandy Hibbard

The home that connects us is not always the home we grew up in.

As I drive to visit my mother regularly, especially now that she’s older and her health and mind are declining, I find myself reflecting on various aspects of life during those car rides. My mind rambles from work, to money, to dreams, to feelings, relationships – old and new, plans for the future, and wandering through my past. Having that time is always a pleasure to me, to be able to dive into myself and think… quietly and uninterrupted.

On one of those recent drives, I was thinking how oftentimes I feel strangely connected when I get home and see my mom. There is an ease and a natural vibe I get that takes me back, and in a way grounds me as the person I know myself to be – Sandy.

And when I say “home” I mean where my mom is, where I grew up. That place hasn’t really been my home in a very long time. So it makes me wonder, what is home, really?

Is it where I live today with my daughter and my grandchildren? Is it my son’s place? Is my home where I used to live? A temporary residence like New York or Paris, where I felt oddly comfortable? Or is home where I grew up, where my mother, father, and sisters are, where family memories were made? Could it even be a beloved relationship or a sense of belonging to someone that we call home? It makes me wonder, what is the home that truly connects us?

When I think about connecting with myself, I’m not talking about some ‘woo woo’ thing, like going to a mountaintop someplace and being quiet and introspective and finding a connection to some ephemeral thing [chuckling]. Nope, it’s, I don’t know, a feeling of connectedness, a feeling of belonging, a feeling of being centered down over myself. Have you ever experienced that?

The place where I grew up, I don’t necessarily love, I don’t really enjoy going there as far as being in the city itself (too many bad memories I suppose). However strange it may be, there’s something about it that just makes me feel connected. Is it mom? Is it my sisters? Is it the home that mom has lived in for 30+ years that is familiar to me? Is it mom’s things and the energy I feel from them, or is it simply seeing my mother and being in her presence?

When it comes to my hometown, I have mixed feelings. Do I feel comfortable because I grew up there most of my life and went to school there? There are certainly a lot of connections there; going to church, being in the ministry, singing, working, and all the activities that entails. No matter, there’s an inexplicable bond that draws me back. Perhaps it’s the familiarity of my mother’s presence that runs through all of it.

When I look deeper into the concept of home, it begs the question; Where do we feel connected, comfortable, and authentically ourselves?

There are as many answers to that question as there are people. We are all so different. There are people who had horrible relationships with their mothers, fathers, and families while growing up. That “home” is very possibly the thing that drives them the furthest from themselves! The last place they would think of connecting in a positive way would be home.

So where is home and WHAT is home?

Is it a feeling that connects you to yourself through a positive circumstance or a happy point and place in time? Can a favored memory become a connector to your blissful place? Is it a specific culture or camaraderie with a group of people that you associate with? Maybe it’s your work, or your church. Whatever that place or that group of people would represent to you, could that be the place you call home?

As for me, my mom and her home serves as my anchor, though her diminishing health adds a layer of melancholy. Witnessing her decline feels like losing a piece of myself, diminishing my sense of home in the process. It’s very sad.

This connectedness, tinged with sadness, forces me to confront life’s inevitable transitions and what they mean for me. How will I adapt? How do I preserve my connection to myself as life changes? And, most importantly, how can I embody “home” for my children, grandchildren, and loved ones?

I aspire to cultivate a sense of home within myself, regardless of my physical location. It’s a journey I’m committed to, one that requires introspection, love, and presence in every moment. I certainly don’t have all the answers and I’m ok with that. I embrace the uncertainty that comes with age, recognizing that it’s okay not to know everything.

The “home” that we all seek, the love and acceptance and the place of connection that we all desire, is quite elusive. Maybe it’s what keeps us on our toes, and keeps us searching. Yet amidst the uncertainties, there’s solace in knowing that home is not merely a destination but a state of being. Home is a place where we can truly be ourselves, embraced by love and acceptance. And though the journey may be long, I’m committed to finding that place where I can just be, where I can be connected to myself and say, “this is a good place. I am home.”

Dating back to the time of Julius Caesar, the concept of Leap Year was introduced to synchronize the lunar and solar calendars. Perhaps it is humanity’s way to find order amidst the chaos of existence.

Leap Year has also been associated with various traditions and superstitions. From marriage proposals to the belief that leap days are unlucky. But beyond the folklore lies a timeless lesson – the importance of making the most out of every moment.

With the gift of an extra day, Leap Year becomes an invitation to complete unfinished tasks, ignite fresh creativity, and catch up to the orbit of our lives. Metaphorically speaking, you can leap past your problems and insecurities, leap past the order of things, and redefine your own personal routines. Leap into your creativity, leap into love, leap into a daydream!

We are usually so busy staying on track with the demands of life and work that we often get out of sync with ourselves and with the things we really want. We have to catch up. We do get ahead of ourselves sometimes just like our world order gets a little behind the earths orbit. Our own psyche can also dictate the way we move so that we too get behind in our own enlightenment and growth. It takes a conscious moment to sometimes catch us up to knowing and being our true selves.

As we embrace Leap Year, let us not merely view it as a quirk of the calendar but as a gentle nudge from the universe to live fully and authentically. Whether it’s taking a leap of faith in our personal endeavors or simply relishing the beauty of the present moment, let us honor this extra day with gratitude and purpose.

This is a leap year, the system gave us an extra day in this year to catch up to the real movement of time. What will you do with this opportunity?

© Sandy Hibbard

Photo © Sandy Hibbard

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

LOVE: Like Unwrapping a Box of Chocolates

Listen to Sandy:

Where have I felt loved? That’s a big question and not so easily answered. Not because I haven’t experienced much love, but because there is no black or white answer.

In my lifetime, I have done a lot of things; I have put myself “out there” as a performer, singer, actor, teacher, counselor, parent, friend, daughter, and leader more times than I can even recount. In those times, I have basked in respect, camaraderie, joy, acceptance, gratefulness – many of the attributes that you might associate with love. But has there been a moment when I was saturated in feelings of love? I’ve had to think about this.

This is a question more easily answered by a 13-year-old, who hasn’t lived life and had a lot of life experiences. But as a 66-year-old who has lived a large life and as a result, I am filled with the knowledge of my experiences, there is no black-and-white answer to this question. As soon as I can remember a time where I felt loved, looking back on it in the big picture of things with understanding and knowledge, I can easily say,  “…yeah but.” It was only a moment. Does that sound hard and bitter? No, it shouldn’t, because I’m not. What I’m saying is that love is an emotion that we feel. We take home that feeling from a situation or a moment we have experienced.

Probably the most awesome “feeling” of love is experienced while having sex. But we all know that sex does not always equal love! When we cook meals for our family, they might show their appreciation and you’re going to feel loved, but they’re also just thanking you and showing emotion for their food because they’re hungry. If I get on stage to perform and get a standing ovation and people come up to me afterwards and tell me how great I am, sure, in that moment, I’m feeling love. But in reality these people are just happy to be given something that makes them feel better. I’m a conduit and they appreciate the message. We are all messengers! 

So when I dig a little deeper (because this is a vast subject, this love thing), I find that this feeling of love is really about how we are feeling about ourselves. It’s about self-love, displayed through authentic acceptance, forgiveness, and grace – for me! Embracing my faults, failures, inadequacies, and all the things I bring to the table as a human being.

Love becomes palpable when I act out of love in whatever I do, it’s not as a transaction for validation.

Of course, I feel love when my grandchildren hug me, or when my son and daughter share an embrace. I could say that it’s a given [to feel love], but obviously it’s not. There are people who never feel loved from their family. But in my case, there is an authentic moment of love in the interactions that I have daily with my children and my grandchildren, because that is what I have groomed with them. It’s not because I have performed in a way to deserve it.  This is the biggie, love is not a transaction, it’s not a reward. It is a choice we make first within our own minds.

Bottom line, you will feel love when you love yourself and you allow your actions to be based on authentic motives without fear or judgement. Those are the moments that shout “LOVE WAS HERE!“. The ripples of authentic love are boundless, diverse, and surprising – like unwrapping a new box of chocolates!

XOXOXO

Getting our lives and businesses geared up for success is all about cultivating those good habits that align with the kind of lifestyle we crave. It’s like wanting to conquer a marathon – you have to develop a habit of hitting the pavement, training hard, and breaking a sweat, right? Or if you’re after a life free from the corporate grind, it’s about getting your financial ducks in a row, building a solid network, mastering a skill you can cash in on, and scoring clients. Crafting the vision for your life isn’t always a walk in the park; it often comes with its fair share of doubts and uncertainties.

Creating a Space for Opportunities

In my business, when I set up new business products and the marketing and promotions that go with them, it requires a laser focus. When I mix all that with my personal life activities and challenges, that focus can be easy to lose. When that happens, I must pull myself back and center down on the things that are most important to my life. Empty the cluttered mind and fill it with the present moment. It’s in that space of letting go of all else that the opportunities and creative thoughts begin to simmer.

In thinking about these things, the photo I have featured here of the cairn stones is such an inspiration to me. It symbolizes an achievement I never thought possible – placing that stone on the peak of Mt Millicent. It was tough, no question but the sense of accomplishment it gave me continues to fuel my motivation and remind me of what I am really made of! Scaling that mountain showed me that letting go of fear and learning to trust myself is what it takes to continue to move forward in this life – it’s right up there with the power of walking in love.

Life’s an adventure, and sometimes you just have to take that leap.

Crafting a life without boundaries requires a good dose of courage and awareness. Personally, I tend to live on the edge, making decisions on the fly. It’s all about making those smart choices and navigating through them, and let me tell you, it takes some serious guts. I figured out ages ago that being fully “awake” and crystal clear about what I want is the first step to actually getting it! Funny enough, I was mulling over this today, realizing that where I am right now is a direct result of decisions I made 3 -5 years back – decisions that shaped both my business and personal life. Back then, I set things in motion using words, actions, and a laser focus, and now I’m living that life, backed by successful habits and systems I put into play.

But you know what can throw a wrench into the whole works? Fear. It’s a tricky little devil. It shows up to protect us, which is cool and all, but for some reason, we tend to grip onto it. Fear is the first thing you gotta let go. It’s the ultimate mood killer. It slams the brakes, saps motivation, keeps us in our comfort zones, brings on the blues, clouds our minds from chasing dreams, and definitely scares us away from taking risks. You have to learn to let go of fear and ditch the notion of failure. Toss out the idea that you’re not cut out for it or unprepared, and just do it! (Props to Nike for that killer slogan!) Letting go of fear? That’s the first step to living life to the fullest.

You know, when I tackled Mount Millicent alongside my son and daughter-in-law, I had no clue what we were getting into. I’m not the climber in the family – that title belongs to Joshua. But here’s the kicker: I found myself prepped for success. I’d been hitting the hiking trails, keeping in good shape, and had all the right gear – the proper shoes, clothes, and whatnot. And perhaps the most crucial ingredient? The right leader. Joshua took the helm, having scaled that mountain multiple times. He could clue me in on what to expect, guide me on technique, and prep me mentally. Sure, I was scared initially. When I laid eyes on that mountain, I thought, “No way, I can’t climb that,” especially when he dropped the bomb that we’d be “scrambling” up the side – practically vertical. (And in hiking lingo, scrambling means tackling rocks without a trail.) My mind could’ve easily clung to the fear – the fear of not making it, the fear of falling and getting hurt, the fear that it was just too darn hard. But I didn’t! I chose to push those fears aside, live in the moment, seize the opportunity in front of me, muster up the courage, and GO.

When faced with a tough task, we can either throw in the towel or scramble right over it. It’s our call. The more you work on building up good habits that support what you want to do, the stronger you get when challenges come knocking.

So, there you have it! Building habits that align with the life we want. Getting ready for the task and staying ready. Keeping a focused mind on the unfolding present moment. All these things open the door to achieving greater heights and chasing our dreams. How about you? How are you paving the way for accomplishments in your life and business?

XOXOXO

In the vast tapestry of relationships, many women find themselves woven into a silent corner, muted by societal expectations and generations of conditioning. Today, women are different (it seems that way), our world has changed, and the expectations of us have changed. Or have they? It takes a profound metamorphosis to learn to speak your truth if you have had a lifetime of being taught to defer to men (or others), or have not been allowed to express freely.

Unraveling the Threads of Silence

For too long, countless women have navigated this life by silencing their voices, their dreams, and their desires in the name of tradition or perceived societal norms. The statistics are telling — a staggering number of women have faced the debilitating grip of silence in relationships. But how can it be possible to accurately measure that number?

In one study, researchers followed nearly 4,000 people in Framingham, Massachusetts over 10 years. They found that “women who didn’t express themselves when they had fights with their spouses were four times more likely to die than those who did.” This was true even when factors such as age, blood pressure, smoking, and levels of cholesterol were taken into account.

In the late 1980s, Harvard-trained psychologist Dana Jack identified a recurring theme among female patients suffering from depression: a tendency to self-silence, defined as “the propensity to engage in compulsive caretaking, pleasing the other, and inhibition of self-expression in relationships in an attempt to achieve intimacy and meet relational needs.” Through research, Jack found that this learned behavior, strongly rooted in gender norms, was linked to an increased risk of depression.

Since then, considerable evidence has revealed that female self-silencing isn’t just tied to psychological issues like depression and eating disorders, but also to physical illness.

*Source https://time.com/6319549/silencing-women-sick-essay/

Self-Silencing

When women push their feelings down and cast their needs aside, their health suffers. But it can be difficult for women to do otherwise in a culture that celebrates these *self-silencing practices. While young women are praised for “being chill,” moms are revered for being painstakingly altruistic to the point of self-abnegation. These unspoken standards establish a vicious cycle. For many women, it feels easier—beneficial, even—to silence their needs at the expense of their own health, rather than swim against the prevailing cultural current.

*Self Silencing theory is based on a study of clinically depressed women’s descriptions of their experiences, including their understanding of what led up to their depression.  The women detailed how they began to silence or suppress certain thoughts, feelings, and actions that they thought would contradict their partner’s wishes. They did so to avoid conflict, to maintain a relationship, and/or to ensure their psychological or physical safety. They described how silencing their voices led to a loss of self and a sense of being lost in their lives. They also conveyed their shame, desperation, and anger over feelings of entrapment and self-betrayal.

*Source https://blog.oup.com/2010/03/silencing-the-self/

The Struggle: An Intimate Affair

The struggle to break free from this “self-silencing” is, for many, an intimate affair — a battle waged within the confines of one’s own heart and mind. It’s a journey through self-discovery, a realization that our voices are not only valid, but essential to any relationship and to our own health. Many times it is necessary to take this personal battle to a therapist who can help to carefully unravel the threads with compassion and understanding.

My Own Struggle with Self-Silencing

After decades of deferring and silencing, and dealing with depression, I had to consciously become aware and practice finding my own voice.

As a young girl, teenager, and young adult, I followed a silent code I had made when I was very young “I will learn to keep my mouth shut and that way I will avoid fighting and conflict”. I learned that model at home, followed it closely and I was successful. I could avoid the bad stuff. I could be an “observer”, I didn’t have to participate.

Old Outdated Maps

I took this model into my first marriage and my young adult life. It was easier to just go along and not stir the waters. Of course, this only led to surface level relationships, more depression, and the eventual dismantling of my marriage.

No matter how hard I tried, I was still not able to avoid conflict, yet I was lost and overpowered without the strength of my own confident voice and mind. I have often told my kids, “I had to learn how to think for myself and have my own opinion”. Not an easy task! It has taken most of my life to do that and I still have to work on it. Conditioning is powerful.

Getting Outside Help

After years of therapy with a wonderful doctor that I completely trusted, I was able to see and understand the hitch I had made with myself and began to rewrite my map. I had to learn how to standup for myself when necessary, accept the bad things, and act from my own mind even when it felt unsure, scary and uncomfortable. I was able to draft my own internal mission and mantra for my life, rewrite my spiritual beliefs without fear, and move shamelessly back into love.

This is the Reward

Even after being made aware of my own self-silencing, I still failed, many times. Another lost marriage, a dear friendship gone down the drain, more failed love interests, business deals gone bad, and struggles financially. Yet, isn’t this the essence of life? I’ve embraced it, experiencing every twist and turn on my own terms and in my own voice. Today, I can openly share my story with unwavering authenticity, free from fear, or how I “should be”. This, to me, is the ultimate reward.

Shattering the Chains: Embracing Empowerment

The journey of finding one’s voice is not a sprint but a marathon (understatement!!), often marked by moments of courage and self-reflection. It’s about reclaiming power, rewriting narratives, starting new habits, and embracing the beauty of authentic self-expression. This doesn’t happen overnight. And consistency in our self-talk is so important.

We Are Beacons of Change

“A voice gives your opinions a platform, and gifts you with the opportunity to have perspective and knowledge on things that matter. No two voices are the same, each voice has something different to say. And in a world that needs to represent freedom and democracy, a voice is a powerful symbol of this.” ~ The U.S. Surgeon General

According to studies on self-silencing and having your own voice, women who actively communicate their needs and desires in relationships report higher levels of satisfaction and fulfillment. This underscores the importance of breaking free from the shackles of silence and embracing open communication.

When you speak up, it is not always going to be a positive experience. In fact, your worst fears may come true…

*People may laugh at you, ignore you, or maybe even attack you for something you say. When this happens, it is easy to become discouraged and slip back into censorship or self-silencing. Building resilience empowers you to push through negative emotions, reclaim your voice, and stay committed to using and honoring your voice.

Building resilience when things don’t go the way you want can look like this:

• • • Practicing self-compassion through positive self-talk
    • Self-validating
    • Normalizing rejection and not taking it too personally
    • Finding safe spaces and people who value your voice for additional support/validation
    • Reframing your perspective to elicit a more positive feeling
    • Hold empathy for the other people involved that their response may not be about you but instead something that they are experiencing

*Source https://thebetteryouinstitute.com/2022/05/26/reclaim-your-voice/

For building resilience, I also found that practicing the “Four Agreements” was highly effective for me along my journey:

1. 1. 1. Be impeccable with your words
      2. Don’t take things personally
      3. Never make assumptions
      4. Always do your best

Embracing the Power Within

As we navigate the path to finding our voices, it’s crucial to recognize the power that resides within us. Each word uttered, every desire expressed, contributes to experiencing a healthy relationship – it is your creative power! This is why professional help is sometimes necessary to help you move from self-silencing (the old map) to a powerful and creative voice (the new map). You must learn to love and respect yourself first. From that foundation, you can learn your voice clearly and compassionately. Understanding and acceptance is the key to our own personal success in discovering our true authentic voice.

Nurturing Transformation: A Call to Action

The journey to finding your voice is a personal one, unique as your heartbeat. It’s about recognizing the patterns, understanding the roots, and compassionately putting those things into their historical past. Only then can you coax the buds of self-expression to bloom. Make these things a practice:

1. Reflect: Take a moment to reflect on your own journey. What patterns of silence do you recognize, and how have they shaped your relationships?

2. Communicate: Engage in open conversations with your partner, friend, or loved one. Share your desires, dreams, and fears. Find a space wherein you can be free to be yourself without condemnation or judgement. Let your voice weave into the intricate dance of connection.

3. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, support groups, or professionals who can provide guidance and understanding on your journey.

A Symphony of Voices: The Future of Love

As we navigate the labyrinth of relationships, let us envision a future where every voice is heard, cherished, and celebrated. The journey to finding our voices is not just a personal triumph; it’s a collective revolution that transforms the landscape of love. It will change the world. No longer judged by social norms or conditions, but we will be accepted for our wisdom, our love, compassion, and the joy we bring to others.

That is my mission for SaturdaySoul.com, to offer a space where stories intertwine, where voices echo, and where understanding illuminates our paths to self-discovery and liberation. Together, let’s break the chains of silence and create a symphony of voices that resonate with the power of authenticity and love.

Scoops of Laughter: My First Job at Braum’s Ice Cream Store

 

What snack would you eat right now?

I had to get hungry today before I could answer this question properly. What snack would I love to have right now? I think it would have to be a Brahms Ice Cream double-dip hot fudge sundae, nuts with extra fudge. Always my classic goto.

It’s been ages since I’ve had one. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to step away from the freezer a little bit ha. The hot fudge sundae and I go way back! In fact, we go back to when I was 15 years old…

Yep, my very first job was at Braum’s Ice Cream store in the heart of Oklahoma City. Picture it – I was a wide-eyed 15-year-old who loved anything sugary getting to work in an ice cream store. It was hopeless from the start!

Braums is a local ice creamery and was close to my house when I was a kid. They have since grown to a big company with franchise stores all over Oklahoma and Texas (where I now live) and beyond.

Other than being a sweet-freak, what made this job even more delightful was that my boss was a good friend from the youth group at our church. It was as if the ice cream gods themselves had smiled upon me. My friend had just landed the coveted position of store manager, and asked if I would like to work for him. He was like a brother, so there was no hesitation, plus I was ready to make myself a little money and become a business icon.

The antics and hilarious escapades that followed eventually made me decide that food service wasn’t my forte. Break time was my sacred sanctuary, and I’d sneak away to the girls’ bathroom with a freshly made hot fudge sundae in hand. Don’t judge – sometimes, the best moments are spent in the most unexpected places.

One unforgettable incident involved a shake cup mishap that would go down in Braum’s history. Picture this: chocolate ice cream and milk spewing in all directions as the bottom of the cup decided to part ways with the rest. Panic ensued, and there I was, a clueless teenager in the midst of a dairy disaster. Lesson learned: always double-check the integrity of your shake cup and put the damn metal appliance ring around the top!

But it wasn’t all chaos and milkshake mayhem. I had the privilege of learning the fine art of scooping ice cream – a skill that comes with its own set of challenges. My overly developed right arm to this day is a testament to the countless square cartons I conquered. Who needs a gym when you’ve got ice cream to scoop?

Working alongside my friend, who doubled as my boss, added an extra layer of fun to the experience. We shared laughs, learned the ropes together, and created memories that still make me smile all these years later. Braum’s wasn’t just a job; it was a swirl of friendship, ice cream dreams, and unforgettable moments. Every scoop came with a side of laughter, and every spill was a reminder that sometimes life gets messy, especially when you’re knee-deep in chocolate and sprinkles.

What snack would I like right now?  Braums thank you!