Thank you to love that has brought me unbelievable pain.

Thank you pain for teaching me how to navigate circumstances with my mind and a grateful heart.

Thank you to my mind for being strong, clear, resilient, ever curious about how things work.

Thank you grateful heart for learning to accept things without judgment and embrace the gifts I have.

Thank you for acceptance without judgment that teaches me tolerance and love.

Thank you tolerance that helps me to forgive and move forward in my own power leaving bitterness, hatred and envy behind.

Thank you for love that has brought me unspeakable joy.

Thank you joy for transforming my life with just a simple change in attitude.

Thank you  change of attitude for helping me remap my own feelings so that I experience honesty and awareness in my life today.

Thank you today for giving me NOW, the moment I live, the opportunity to love, learn, explore, play and work, and for every imaginable opportunity that life holds.

Thank you opportunity, thank you for always being there.

Your voice is often soft and quiet, and many times you are not in the light where I can see you, but if I pay attention, you are always there…. thank you!  

© Sandy Hibbard 2020

New Musings on Love

When it comes, I feel completely distracted.  Getting me to focus on the things that matter is like pulling skin off my bones.  Funny how unpredictably these moments are, when the muse, my passions, utterly consume me.  What is that?  Why?  It comes upon me like an obsession, like a brain drug I have quietly become addicted to. Love. The feeling spawned by desire of your heart racing and your tummy flittering that literally takes your breath away. THAT feeling that gives you butterflies, and takes over your thoughts to the point of physical and mental anguish.  Only you are aware of the terror that comes along with it – you cry tears just to release the feelings, daydream instead of sleeping just so you can create a world to play in, you feel more stress and pressure in your heart than if you were getting ready for a major performance.  Anticipating the next move, you fantasize about the next meeting, or how you will EVER meet… again.  You reel from one extreme to the other – full of the most magical energy and then you wane, curling up like a baby – secure only in the touch of your own raw skin.  It’s that thing that happens EVERY TIME – at first – then quickly dashes away into a game of hide and seek.  So weird.
That intense passion is my muse. It is what fuels the artistic side of me and inspires the words I write. It is sometimes all consuming. It is sometimes totally absent. It makes me think hard, and occasionally (yes), realistically, about the psychological state I am in. And interestingly, when I am in the right place, my muse can fuel me to move forward aggressively in my creative tasks with confidence, joy and excitement.
The muse comes ofttimes to torment me of the love that I desire and think will complete me, and that I fear will never come.  (I define that love, you define that love, from our own hearts, needs, and our past experiences.) Although my intelligence knows this kind of love does not really define me, my emotions believe they do and will intently move toward it like a starved lion to its prey. Love will violently rip through and take over my thoughts – cutting straight through the bullshit of logic, expectations, and the images in my mind that I have succumbed to (and perhaps for what I have habitually believed was the truth) and challenge them – and for that I am most grateful.
My best friend and poet soulmate said it to me this way:

“I think the most fragile relationship we have is with our muse, even though it is strong and always there, we let ourselves get in the way of it. Knowing my  muse is there often sustains me when nothing else does, because it is the keeper of the keys to all that is spiritual and alive. The muse is what gives us art and art is the only way to capture the muse in a weird symbiotic twist.  Love springs from the muse as well, I don’t know exactly what the muse is but I think it is that third eye to other dimensions and because we are victims of gravity and reality, it is sometimes difficult to hear it as well.”

People can “fall in love” with a new job, a fresh little baby, big house, beautiful man, a gorgeous woman, or an adorable pet.  We may love and live with many people during our lives.  Some will live contently with the love of their life – and it can all be good – it can be magical.  They will have fun, navigate long and successful relationships, overcome painful obstacles, grow and be happy.  But for so many, relationships fail in providing what is needed and can leave you in total emptiness and un-fulfillment. Enter the muse.  Out of the blue and unexpectedly you are filled with an insatiable desire that seems can only be filled by someone or something that cannot be possessed. “It” speaks to your passion, awakes the emotions, and seems to alone understand your heart.  You simply have to say something.  You must take action! You will wait on a dangerous ledge 100 feet in the air for the next move, anticipating with displaced joy what will happen next. You will long with every fiber of your being to feel that rush of feeling one more time that validates your desires, and fills that longing.  What magic!  A love that will feed your passions and satiate your desires – this is the love and companionship we all dream about.
Sometimes the muse comes and delivers within us a powerful embodiment of love. I don’t understand it, but I have experienced it.  I have learned and accepted that I am a being filled with joy and light and an abundance of passions, overflowing with desires for love and life. Sometimes I am so filled up with joie de vivre that it wells up onto my nerves and skin so that I can physically feel it. It is too powerful to keep to myself and painful if I must.  I am compelled to spill it out and enter into a love-dialog – relinquish it, if you will – to that special person who has enveloped me with their understanding, someone who I have truly connected to. We long for someone who can flow with us along this journey of living, who is compatible with our nature, so much so that when we are satiated, that abundance naturally flows from us into that ONE and then eventually returns back to us – gift to gift.   I think we MUST have that receptacle – a two way connection – any other way returns us to loneliness.  Maybe this is how some people sustain a life-long love partnership – they have learned to provide a natural outlet for the springs of their partner’s passions and affections to flow into, and out of.  They have accepted the mystery of love and the struggle of unhappiness life brings and have agreed to navigate it together.
In the world of loving and pursuing love, when we allow ourselves to act out on or honestly acknowledge our passions, I wonder if sometimes it can blur the lines between what we NEED and what we WANT, what we DESIRE and what we KNOW could lead to our destruction – or our joy. Acting on our desire is powerful.  POWERFUL. You can’t always call it love though. Many times it is merely lust and a need for our own personal validation or instant gratification, often times it is selfish, but sometimes it is the tender fulfillment of exactly what we have longed for.  It is good.  It is beautiful and fulfilling.  I believe that being aware, understanding our true feelings, and living in the moment is how we divide the truth correctly in our hearts and minds to know what is right for us. I believe that you can have a meeting of the hearts in this way – I know you can. But it doesn’t always mean it will stay.  And it doesn’t mean that it won’t break your heart.

“You love who you love.  You can’t make yourself stop dreaming who you’re dreaming of.”

~ John Meyer

The muse can teach us.  The muse will give each of us a good case for acting compulsively (not so safely) when you feel that connection and that nervous feeling  for someone.  It can humiliate you, embarrass you, bring shame or pride, it can bring you unfathomable pain or indescribable joy.
It is an understatement to say how important it is to understand what I need in a relationship, not just what I can give, but what I truly need to complete who I am.   Ahhh Love, it comes in many forms, and in many ways.  It is a miracle. I only hope I can be aware enough to recognize it when it arrives. We meet hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of people in our lifetime, yet we truly connect with only a few – maybe we are lucky enough to honestly connect to that ONE.  So when you feel it, act on it, tell them – see where it goes, or don’t – but see to it quickly because the muse won’t stay long.
Love and peace…

29 quotes to inspire and keep you rolling through the year

1. STAY HUNGRY. STAY FOOLISH  ~ Steve Jobs
2. The road has two rules only:  Begin and Continue
3. Live our truth, share our joy, expand our awareness.  ~ Sandy Hibbard
4. Do not fear mistakes.  There are none.  ~ Miles Davis
5. If enlightenment is not where you are standing, where will you look?  ~ Zen saying
6. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  ~ My dad, from the scriptures
7. Nothing is left to you at this moment but to have a good laugh!  ~ Zen saying
8. Let me respectfully remind you, life and death are of supreme importance. Time swiftly passes by and opportunity is lost. Each of us should strive to awaken.  AWAKEN! Take heed, do NOT squander your life.  ~ The Evening Gatha
9. The First Agreement:  My Impeccable Word.  ~ Miguel Ruiz
10. All you need to survive this life is a grateful heart and a strong will.  ~ Dr. K
11. Just keep a clear mind, go straight ahead, try, try, try, for ten thousand years.  ~ Soen Sa Nim
12. Love is a present that can be given every single day you live.  ~ fortune cookie 
13. I didn’t always know what I wanted to do, but I knew the kind of woman I wanted to be.  ~ Diane von Furstenberg
14. One morning Suzuki Roshi gave a brief talk to the people sitting in zazen:  “Each of you is perfect the way you are…and you can use a little improvement.”  ~ Suzuki Zen
15. Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies within us while we’re alive.  ~ Norman Cousins
16. Zen in its essence is the art of seeing into the nature of one’s being, and it points the way from bonding to freedom.  ~D.T. Suzuki
17. People will forget what you said, will forget what you did, but will never forget how you made them feel.  ~ Maya Angelou
18. Just point your feet in the right direction and move forward!
19. Nothing works, unless you do.  ~ Maya Angelou
20. Pray to God, but hammer away.  ~ Spanish Proverb
21. Explore, discover, broaden and enrich my life and the lives of others.  To offer my talent and resources to help others be successful.  ~ my personal mission statement
22. The most perfect technique is that which is not noticed at all.
23. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler.  ~ Albert Einstein
24. My income is constantly increasing
25. Each age has its own special joys and experiences.  I am always the perfect age for where I am in life.
26. God builds his temple in the heart on the ruins of churches and religions.  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
27. I know it to be true that neither life or death, good or bad, the present or the future, or any powers, circumstances or anything else in all creation will be able to separate me from the love of God.  ~ the scriptures
28. Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.  ~ Sandy Hibbard
29. I was once afraid of people saying, “Who does she think she is?” No I have the courage to stand and say, “This is who I am.”  ~ Oprah Winfrey

Waking the Muse

I don’t know how long this will last
or where it will go
it may fade
like smoke from an extinguished candle
but my heart is awake now
and I am writing again
dreaming of love again

There’s a spark beginning to burn
igniting feelings in my heart
rushing through me
like claps of thunder trampling the sky
i can feel the rain as it falls
turning into a torrent
washing away my grief
giving birth to a new life

@ Sandy Hibbard

Luminarie laid out like a Rosary
Winding like a ribbon
Binding the girl to his heart
Flowing
Tasseling along Aphrodite’s heels
Reeling like a circus wheel

© Sandy Hibbard

]]> https://saturdaysoul.com/decent-into-me/feed/ 0 278 https://saturdaysoul.com/deal-or-no-deal/ https://saturdaysoul.com/deal-or-no-deal/#respond Sun, 16 Oct 2011 06:00:19 +0000 http://saturdaysoul.wordpress.com/?p=246 […]]]>

I know you cannot go through life unless you are willing for love or money to make a fool of yourself.  Where else does the ecstasy lie?
~ Nikki Giovanni

…Novalis