Contained in the fall is exactly what we need to stand

We think hitting the ground is a mistake, but the ground we hit, the failure we experience is not a mistake. The world is endlessly mysterious, experience is profound… but it is never a mistake. To foster even a meager appreciation of that is to begin to practice. It is the decision to stop complaining and to start paying attention. Contained in the fall is exactly what we need to stand. ~ Bonnie Myotai Treace

Photo © Sandy Hibbard – Aristide Maillol, Air, 1932, Plomb at the Jardin des Tuileries

Sometimes things can just rub you the wrong way (duh). In this world of full exposure and narcissism, there still remains a code of fuckery and an avoidance of real honesty and vulnerability. Now that really annoys me. It can make even someone like me feel “invisible” or unseen. I woke up one day to the thought, “hey, I HAVE done a lot of things!” At my age, I have accumulated a lot of experiences; some only my closest loved ones will know about, and a few others they will NEVER know.  I understand life and get the score more than many of my peers – if not in actual experience, certainly by osmosis. Yet still, much of who I am and the experience that comes with me, goes unseen. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I am simply stating the way it is, and I am sure it is the same for you. To know I have someone’s understanding is very important to me. To go into a relationship – business or otherwise – and know that I am trusted, admired for, and appreciated for what I bring to the table – is paramount! I cannot negate the sum of my experience. These thoughts started running through my mind, and at first I thought it was funny – walking along the east river reciting into my voice memo all the things I have done just to remind me of all the awesome things I have done!  Ha! But afterwards, I found it was a true awakening for me. A private reminder of my awesomeness and most importantly, my strength.

So what I am saying here is almost cliché, but I feel it deeply! It’s this: “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I am dealing with or what I have gone through, so DON’T MESS WITH ME.”  Sound familiar?  Here’s a little something I wrote about just that…

Love or not, just please don’t …

I’ve been through hell and back

So don’t fuk with me

I lived in a glass house

Where I learned to be perfect

And I was pretty good at it

If I may say so – inside and out

Then the shit storm came…

And I lived through it

Secret violence

Deals of deception

A black hole with no direction

Lies behind closed doors

Private seduction

Escaping to my magic land

Holding on to Father’s hand

But I know things

And understand them now

Took a while for me to see

How deeply I will fall

And love you like a king

I’ll give you all my heart to keep

Vulnerable through and through

Or I simply will forget you

So don’t fuk with me.

I’ve had nothing and I’ve had plenty

I’ve known pain of loss

Lovers left, loving tossed

Away for the sake of pride

I lived through death with dignity

And walked back from the grave

I have nursed myself back from hell

I walked away from the charade

Don’t fuk with me.

I have wanted to lay down and die

I have put away the pills

Faced myself and the rejection

I was shamed for all my ills

But I pulled my head up high

Built my life back

Saved my pride

Learned to love, to give, to fly

So don’t fuk with me

You don’t know what I’ve been through

You don’t know what makes me cry

You don’t know the winds that blew

You dont’ know the reasons why

Love me, use me, be my friend

Come into my tribe

Let the bonds we share bring hope

And trust that never ends

But be it now or who knows when

If you become my enemy

I only ask this one damn thing

Just please don’t fuk with me.

© Sandy Hibbard 2019

The holidays blew through quickly and are gone again. New Year’s Eve passed incognito, and New Year’s Day was as lazy as I had planned it to be. So where do we go from here?

I am sitting at the end of the first week of January 2019 without a thought to lofty goals. No big dream to kick off or list of priorities to begin. No big deal, right? Just another day, right? Well maybe, but there is something about January that urges me to plan, recreate, redefine, reinvent, and reprogram – but not in the way our popular culture would influence us to do. We are barraged daily with senseless noise exploiting narcissism and grandiose lifestyles that no one but the very rich can possibly attain to. The pursuit of which is killing us, separating us, and keeping us from our true selves. I want to approach this year practically and holistically. I want to rethink my daily efforts in order to be the best I can be in every situation that comes my way. This is the foundation I want to build for my life in 2019 and every year that follows.

Why not take a practical approach?

In my life I have learned that we are so easily distracted from the things that matter most. We are lured by the shiny object(s) that promises wealth, love, fame, speed, comfort and such. We sacrifice our awareness in the present moment for illusions of what could be in the future. It is an art to stay focused on the moment and to give 100% to the task at hand. If it’s time to work, just work. If it’s time to be with the family, put away your phones and BE with the family. Empty your mind of the past and the future and think about what needs to be done right here and now. Give weight to your intentions and do exactly what you need to do. Health and prosperity, love, joy and peace, are ultimately what we all strive for. The possibility to attain these dreams are within you, but if you are constantly looking elsewhere to be satisfied, it’s quite possible you will miss them altogether. Learn to master BEING in the moments you are given.

“If you walk, just walk. If you sit, just sit; but whatever you do, don’t wobble.”

~ Zen saying

This year, I resolve to pay attention and be a better mom, serve my clients more effectively, be my best creative self, learn on deeper levels, build and strengthen relationships, and love more selflessly. I will embrace the four agreements: To be honest and true to my word, to not take things so personally, to not assume anything, and to do my best in all these things. So, even though I don’t have an “official” resolution, my mind is full of ideas, dreams, goals, wants, and desires that will best be attained by my awareness of and participating in the moment. I will bring these things, and more, into reality with me.

Each day I challenge myself to do my very best to create, perform, be charitable and kind, to love, to serve, to achieve…and I know I will.  By next year I will have added to my cart of knowledge and wisdom more beautiful gems that I can share with the people in my life and that support the life I have chosen. That is the joy of January’s “blank canvas”.

Pay Attention 

Keep your mind in the present moment. Pay attention to what is going on around you and with the people in your life and give it your absolute best. Anxiety comes from staying focused too much on ourselves and our problems and worrying about the future. We will feel depressed when we dwell on the past, so stay in the now. Pay attention to your little ones, do less, BE more.

This year I challenge you to move beyond the resolutions of money, status, likes and influence, and try thinking on the things that have the potential to shape your life – for the rest of your life.

With much love,

“Fortune cookie wisdom” is that Yoda-like knowledge that lovingly pops up around us right when we need it… if you are paying attention. It’s that good ole common sense that feels right, it’s the simple answer to a chaotic situation, it is the kind thought translated into effective action. And yes, it can come to you even inside the common fortune cookie.

Today I opened a fortune cookie after eating Chinese food and it read: You are the mast in everything. At first I thought it was a typo. Perhaps it should have said “master”, meaning that I was the master in every situation. Maybe. Then I thought, hmmm, it could mean exactly that – “mast”. After all, a ship can’t sail without one!  {A mast is a pole that rises vertically from a ship and supports the sails. It has a very important job – to support the sails, which allows the wind to propel the ship.}

The idea of me, you, us, being the mast of our lives carries some weight, doesn’t it? To realize that there is no one coming to bail you out. You are the one that charts your path and navigates your course. Heavy, but freeing, right? 

I am the mast in every situation.

This tidbit of wisdom discovered over lunch reminded me to stand tall and strong, to be brave and fearless. To be aware, conscious in the present moment. Without my own sound resolve and loving presence in the situations of my life, all will be chaos! I am the one that stabilizes the difficult times. I create the foundation that becomes my bedrock. I am the mast that supports the sails of my life that will point me in the right direction. Sure we get help along the way, in a million different ways, but consider that the help you need is flowing to you via your mast! Receiving the success and peace you seek ultimately depends on how well you “see” and respond to the wisdom that comes your way.

The simple beauty is this: life is faithful. Not to get too mystical or spiritual, but your own outlook, your faith, the Universe, God, whatever you put your trust in –  is consistent to give us what we need to support our lives. Knowledge is all around us to encourage, to teach, to guide us to truth. It will show us how to BE. Wisdom is with us everywhere, even in the fortune cookie! Wisdom’s lessons are in Nature. We hear its voice in the loving words of our friends. It is the light that illuminates our journey through the little gems strewn along the footpath. Pay attention.

“We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness which no one else can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world. The lives that you admire, the attitudes that seem noble to you, have not been shaped by a paterfamilias or a schoolmaster, they have sprung from very different beginnings, having been influenced by evil or commonplace that prevailed round them.
They represent a struggle and a victory.”
~ Marcel Proust

So true.  Our path, our journey in this life is our own.  It is embracing that path and learning to live every moment of it that I believe we truly fall into and receive the wisdom that will bring us into wholeness.
I hope you had a chance to drop into Saturday Soul last week, but if you didn’t get a chance, here is a recap of the posts I shared from my heart – enjoy!
Where Do We Place the Blame for the Pain of our Past? – engaging the “noticer” and learning where to put our painful emotions from the past
A Moment of Eternity – poetry from my heart about wanting the moment to last in love
Learning to Hesitate for a Happier Life – a lesson for living and learning how to control our impulses
33 Ways to Find Inspiration – sometimes you have to dig for it, but here are some simple ways to keep inspiration around you!
If You Wish To Make Gold You Must Already Have It – mine for the gold that’s in you!
I hope you will stop by this week at Saturday Soul, be sure to leave comments and share YOUR soul with me!
Love and Peace!
Sandy

How many times have you blurted out something in anger, or frustration only to wish that you had kept your mouth shut and your opinion to yourself?  OMG! It happens to me too frequently, leaving me embarrassed and apologizing or feeling like poo! In this article from Lessons for Living, it teaches the importance on being aware so that you can temper yourself and your reactions by just taking a moment.  Breathe. Hesitate. Stop before you react. Think before you speak.

I hope it speaks to you like it did me.

Love and Peace,
Sandy

Learning to Hesitate

A recent luxury car radio commercial, which boasts of a new and smoother 8 speed automatic transmission, uses the announcers halting voice to effectively demonstrate just how frustrating hesitation can be, especially, when we need to be speeding ahead into traffic.
In daily life, however, learning to hesitate at the right moment may be one of the secrets of becoming a happier person.

A major obstacle to happiness often arises from being too impulsive, as when we rush into inappropriate comments, behaviors, and decisions. Hesitating just a moment before going into action can make a big difference in our lives.

Hesitation gives us time to reflect on what we are about to say or do by tuning in to our inner dialogue and making sure that we are talking sensibly to ourselves. Whenever life pushes our buttons, we go on “automatic” with no hesitation at all, and such habitual responses always begin with a thought. If we catch the thought, we can evaluate its usefulness.

This may be as simple as when in rushing to the office, a traffic light catches you, and leaves you sitting in your car wondering, “Why such bad things always happen to me.” (A good example of a negative automatic thought.) Or, upon finally arriving at work, your boss immediately gives you “another” difficult assignment, and all you can think of is how he always picks on you.

With a little hesitation in either instance you have the opportunity to realize that the traffic light has unexpectedly given you a chance to relax, rejuvenate, and enjoy the music on the radio. Hesitating and re-evaluating, you may also understand how much the boss depends on your ability to always get the job done no matter how tough it is. A moment of hesitation and reflection can enable a new attitudinal choice, which means a different behavior and better mood.

Knowing when to hesitate takes intention, awareness, and effort, however, successful hesitation means that you are no longer on automatic. Learn when to hesitate and see if life begins to go better.

Article from Lessons4Living

The Wisdom of Allowing Things to Happen