“I have found through my work experience, that when I put my passion behind it, my efforts flourish.“

I have had many careers – music, corporate, entrepreneurship – ranging from the ministry (yep, I’m not jkg!), to music, insurance, art and photography, marketing and advertising, to owning my own companies. Some things I chose to do, others I had to do because my circumstances demanded it. It’s funny though, that in some of my darkest hours, my work saved me. In my work life, I have developed deep relationships with people who challenged me to be my best. I have learned things that were outside of my storehouse of knowledge, expanding my abilities and teaching wisdom and patience. I honed my talents, and broadened my cognitive abilities. I learned how to keep a grip on my attitude and how to treat others. This is what work does. And not to be too fluffy about it, I have had my beatings also! I have lost and lost big. The experiences gained from those hard falls have given me insight and pushed me toward opportunities that changed my life. I wouldn’t take any of them away.

This is why we work. It’s more than getting a paycheck. Our work offers the opportunity to create our dreams, to BE and DO what we are passionate about. When we mix it all together, I think it creates a beautiful picture.

Your work matters. What you do with passion and love has an impact on us all. I hope that as we enter September, you will relish in that. Take a break if you can, and if you can’t, take a nice long lunch break!

XOXOXO

Dear Friends,

As many of you know, I recently lost my mother in June, and we laid her to rest on my birthday. It was an honor to share that day with her, but it was hard. I struggled to find solace in it. I finally worked out the understanding that saying “goodbye” to her on the day of my birth was and always will be a poignant reminder of the bond we shared. And I will need it, because getting through her loss will take a lifetime.

Losing a parent is a surreal experience that touches the deepest parts of our hearts. In our grief, it is as if we are compelled to do one of two things: either to sift through memories, or to move on as quickly as we can so not to give them another moment of our time! I chose the former, and as I peruse through the many memories of my mother, I am not only cherishing her legacy but also uncovering the layers of my own history. (Thank you mom for documenting so many moments of our life so unselfishly.)

Mourning our dear loved one is, to me at least, a therapeutic process. Revisiting moments from my past forces me to face my own narrative, my own story intertwined with hers. Each memory, whether it brings a smile or a tear, presents a chapter of my life that shapes who I am. Seeing that in my mind’s eye, in a way brings me comfort. It reassures me of the love I was given and the challenges I so bravely overcame. It reminds me too, of the pain and the struggles that my mom went through, and how high she set the bar for courage, strength, and love.

In these moments, I see clearly the significant role my mother played in molding me. I realize that now I have become the anchor in my own life. The absence of my mother brings a shift within me, an undeniable change that marks a new stage of adulthood. It’s a moment where I truly “grow up,” as the safety net I always had is no longer there. I find myself stepping into a new role, bearing the weight of my own existence and that of our family’s legacy.

No matter how good a daughter I was, there’s a lingering sense of regret. I feel that I didn’t appreciate her enough, didn’t spend enough time with her, and didn’t have the necessary conversations that could have bridged any gaps in our relationship. I wish I had known her better. Mother was so selfless, and always a giver and doing for others, if there was a selfish side I didn’t see it. I wish I had known more about her growing up, her feelings about being a preacher’s wife and living in a glass house. Her secret desires and wishes… It was only in the later years that I started asking her about more personal things. As long as she could, she would tell me a story. I wish I had made time for more of those conversations. These feelings of regret are natural, and it’s important to acknowledge them without letting them overshadow the love and connection we shared.

Putting all the pieces together after the death of my mom is a process that demands courage and openness. It takes time to sort through emotions and memories, and it’s essential to allow myself to feel everything that comes up. Right now, I feel like my anchor is gone and I am adrift and not sure which way to go or where I will end up. But by facing my feelings head-on, I honor her and myself, and will embrace the growth that I know will come from this profound loss.

In this journey, I strive to be kind to myself. I allow the memories to guide me through the grief, and I remember that in every reflection of my mother, I am also rediscovering parts of myself. This process, though painful, is a testament to the enduring love and influence of my mother’s legacy in my life.

Thank you for your support and understanding during this time. Your love and kindness mean more to me than words can express.

With heartfelt gratitude,

Sandy

by Sandy Hibbard

I’ll never forget a pivotal conversation with my therapist, Dr. K, during a particularly challenging time after my divorce. He introduced me to the concept of the “blame game,” a behavior where, in our moments of suffering, we retreat to our primitive instincts, often pointing fingers rather than looking inward.

Ah, the blame game—an all-too-familiar dance. It’s a reflex we’ve all indulged in, consciously or not. When things go sideways, it’s so much easier to pin the blame on someone else than to face our own reflections in the mirror. But why do we do this? What propels us into this vicious cycle? More importantly, how can we step away from it?

I did a little research…

At the core of the blame game are a tangled web of emotions, insecurities, and coping mechanisms—all fueled by fear. These feelings make it tempting to deflect our pain onto others instead of facing our own vulnerabilities. It’s a natural defense, protecting our fragile egos from the sting of self-awareness.

As M. Scott Peck eloquently puts it, “What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one…Yet it is in the whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning.” This resonates deeply because it highlights the necessity of facing our struggles head-on.

Blaming others, though, is a psychological crutch. It shields us from the discomfort of acknowledging our mistakes, keeping us in a loop of denial. We’ve all been there, stuck in that place of blame, trapped by resentment and conflict, often unknowingly passing this burden onto the next generation.

The Evolutionary Pull of Blame

This tendency, perplexing as it may seem, is rooted in our evolutionary past. Our “lizard brain”—a term describing the primitive part of our psyche—was designed for survival. This ancient part of our brain thrives on quick, instinctual reactions, such as fight or flight, to protect us from danger.

Historically, identifying threats and assigning blame could mean the difference between life and death. Our ancestors depended on these instincts to survive harsh conditions, which is why this response is so deeply embedded in us. In modern life, however, this instinct often misguides us, causing unnecessary pain and division.

Navigating Fear and Insecurities

Today, our primal instincts are often at odds with the complex realities we face. Fear and insecurity play major roles in perpetuating the blame game. When confronted with challenges, our immediate response is to seek safety rather than confront our own vulnerabilities. Fear of failure, rejection, or inadequacy can make us deflect blame to preserve our self-esteem.

Our society doesn’t make it any easier. We live in a culture that often equates success with worthiness and failure with shame. This pressure to appear perfect can drive us to hide our flaws and point fingers, all in an effort to maintain a certain image.

The Social Media Illusion

In the era of social media, the pressure to uphold a flawless persona is magnified. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook create a stage where we perform our curated lives, seeking validation in likes and comments. But behind these perfect images lies a battlefield of comparison and insecurity. We mask our true selves, fearing judgment and rejection.

This relentless quest for perfection can lead to a disconnection from our authentic selves. We fear being seen as anything less than perfect, often at the expense of our mental health and genuine connections.

Breaking Free and Embracing Authenticity

Peck wisely states, “Life is difficult…once we truly understand and accept it, then life is no longer difficult.” The real challenge lies in accepting this truth and stepping beyond the blame game. It requires courage—courage to face our fears, to accept responsibility, and to embark on a journey of self-awareness and growth.

Cultivating self-awareness, empathy, and resilience can help us break free from the cycle of blame. Practices like mindfulness, therapy, and self-reflection are invaluable tools in this process. As Dr. K often reminded me, the key to a fulfilled life is a “strong will and a grateful heart.”

While the blame game may have served us in our evolutionary past, it no longer defines our potential. By embracing our higher reasoning and emotional intelligence, we can transcend our primal instincts. This journey isn’t easy, but the rewards—inner peace, genuine connections, and personal growth—are immeasurable.

So, let’s choose courage over comfort. Let’s step away from the blame game and embrace a life of authenticity and understanding. It starts with acknowledging that life is hard, but in doing so, we open ourselves to the beauty and meaning that come from truly living.

Your wheels… Will they get you where you’re going?

I’m at the airport and I swear this carry-on bag is fighting me every step of the way. Whatever happened to those smooth, steel ball bearings? These worn plastic wheels can barely keep up!

As I am tugging at my bag through the endless corridors of the Salt Lake City airport, I am reminded about the importance of wheels that keep us going in our lives. Whether it’s the wheels on our cars, bikes, sports gear, or even wheelchairs—they’re all designed to get us where we need to go smoothly and quickly. Metaphorically speaking, how are your wheels doing? Are they running smoothly, or do they need some maintenance? How about the wheels that make our society roll? Are they well-oiled and ready for the journey, or is it time for a change? In our personal lives, are the wheels turning and capable of going the distance?

Fun things to think about. You never know what you’re going to come up with when you’re at the airport!

© Sandy Hibbard 2024

By Sandy Hibbard

What gives your life direction? That’s a good question, and a question we strive to answer throughout our life. A comforting thought to me is there is no one correct answer. Our direction comes from the many ‘cues’ we get throughout our journey. I like to think our direction is as fluid and winding as the water running down from the mountain. It definitely has a destination, but the flow can change course for many reasons. Life is much like that.

As we begin to gain consciousness and grow into a little person, our first cues come from our parents. They lay the ground work for our early lives. Our moms, dads, siblings, and extended family give us our first examples to follow – good or bad. They initially set the stage for us. As we grow older and we become more independent in our thinking, it is our environment that takes center stage and begins to influence our decisions and the choices we make.

Certainly factors like religion and culture will cue us to follow certain paths. Our teachers will inspire us, our mentors will help us hone our skills that will in turn help us achieve our goals and dreams, and our trusted loved ones will each have a profound influence over us. We become an amalgamation of all the things and people who touch our lives. All these people and environments have a profound effect on the direction we will take for our life. 

In my life, my sense of purpose and meaning was taught early from the religious beliefs that surrounded me. That set me in a direction to pursue the thing that I felt gave me purpose. My association with religion and being raised in a Christian pastor’s home was huge in giving me direction – miss guided or not – effecting my decisions on marriage, sexual relations, political beliefs, education, and more.

What gives direction to our lives varies greatly from person to person. We are each very unique in our thinking and our emotions; this is what makes humans so distinctively different from each other. But there is one central influence that often emerges in most people, and that is our sense of purpose or meaning.

A Sense of Purpose that Drives the Direction of our Life

Our sense of purpose and self-worth are multifaceted, arising from an interplay of internal perceptions, social interactions, biological mechanisms, personal experiences, and broader existential reflections. These elements not only shape our identity but also provide direction and motivation in our lives. Here’s a detailed breakdown:

1. Psychological Factors

• Self-Perception and Identity: How we view ourselves and our roles in the world significantly influences our sense of purpose. This self-perception is shaped by our experiences, achievements, and the feedback we receive from others.
• Intrinsic Motivation: Engaging in activities that align with our passions and interests can foster a strong sense of purpose. When we do what we love, we often feel more fulfilled and valuable.
• Personal Values and Beliefs: Our core values and beliefs provide a framework for understanding our purpose in life. When our actions align with these values, we tend to feel a greater sense of worth.

2. Social Factors

• Relationships and Community: Connections with family, friends, and communities can enhance our sense of belonging and purpose. Positive relationships provide support, validation, and a sense of being valued by others.
• Social Roles and Responsibilities: The roles we play in society, such as being a parent, friend, or professional, contribute to our sense of purpose. Fulfilling these roles successfully can boost our self-worth.
• Cultural and Societal Norms: Societal expectations and cultural norms influence our understanding of purpose. Different cultures emphasize different aspects of life, shaping what we perceive as meaningful.

3. Biological Factors

• Neurochemistry: Certain neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and serotonin, play a role in our feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Positive experiences and achievements can trigger the release of these chemicals, enhancing our sense of purpose and self-worth.
• Evolutionary Perspectives: From an evolutionary standpoint, having a sense of purpose can be linked to survival and reproductive success. Feeling valuable and purposeful can motivate individuals to contribute to their community and ensure the survival of their genes.

4. Personal Experiences

• Life Events and Milestones: Significant life events, both positive and negative, shape our sense of purpose. Overcoming challenges and achieving goals can enhance our self-worth, while setbacks can prompt reflection and growth.
• Learning and Growth: Continuous learning and personal development contribute to a dynamic sense of purpose. As we grow and evolve, our understanding of what gives our life meaning can change.

5. Spiritual and Philosophical Influences

• Spirituality and Religion: For many, spirituality and religious beliefs provide a profound sense of purpose and self-worth. These frameworks often offer answers to existential questions and a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself.
• Philosophical Reflection: Engaging in philosophical contemplation about the meaning of life and our place in the world can also shape our sense of purpose.

Our choices along the way will enhance or sabotage the direction of our life. Life events will absolutely change our course as will personal relationships and love interests. But at the foundation of it all is the overall sense of self-worth and purpose we carry with us. 

When I was telling her (very vaguely) what I wanted in my life, I was unsure and stumbling all over my words.  I realized that I really wasn’t focused on what I was saying because I was too tired and stressed out and didn’t know for sure what I was feeling.  She said to me that she didn’t see the “sparkle” in my eyes when I was telling her about what I wanted to do.  Then later on in the conversation she said that I needed to get alone and find out “where my heart goes”.  That was it, that opened the gateway to thought and exploration.  Finding out where my heart goes will lead me to the passion my life requires!  Some years later, I have come to realize that finding where “my heart is going” is a real soul search!

I am a preacher’s kid.  Grew up in the church, was active in it all my young and teenage life.  I was a Jesus-Freak back in the day, protesting, passing out tracks on the streets, singing about Jesus in parking lots, ministering to street people.  Then as a young adult I was active in leadership in the church.  I co-pastored, taught Sunday school to adults, led a big choir and ran a music program, went to prisons, fed the hungry.  I was passionate.  Then life happens and we find ourselves moving on from a place of zeal into a place of “doing”.  I especially felt the reality of that when I got a divorce.  We move on…right?

Well, yes, and no.  We move on to grow up, mature and embrace a larger piece of life and reality.  But we also move away from the things that once brought a sense of purpose and fire to our hearts – the passion, the mission, the camaraderie of serving.  After talking to my friend this past week, I realized that we can move away from our heart’s path without ever knowing it.  We get cluttered up with the stuff we have to do, so much so, that we fail to take the time to listen to our hearts.  I have always believed that we are given certain talents, desires and gifts to use in this life.  If we don’t use them, then what the hell?

The truth is, I miss the passion, the mission, and the camaraderie I grew up with.  I miss working together with people who are seeking something better, wanting to give love with no strings attached.  I am haunted by memories of my past when my goals consisted of more than building a business, making money or getting a project done.  There is something each of us have within us that turns us on, something that stokes the fire that makes us who we are.  We are willing to follow it, commit to it, live for it, work for it and yes, sacrifice for it.

I have come to understand through my life and experiences, that we must treat our own hearts like we treat the heart of our treasured loved ones.  It must be nurtured, tended to and trusted.  When I spend the time with my heart, seeking it’s desire, I begin to experience the passion, the intrigue, the joy, of KNOWING it, over and over again.

Here’s to slowing down and emptying the busyness out for a time so that we can begin to know our hearts again!
Love and Peace,
Sandy

By Sandy Hibbard

Choosing who you believe, and where and who you rely on for knowledge is something we do quite mindlessly. In the vastness of information we are exposed to everyday, there’s an underlying current guiding us: TRUST. We might not always consciously acknowledge it, but with every headline we read, every news segment we watch, and every email we open, we’re making choices about who and what to trust. It’s a decision that shapes not only our understanding of the world but also our beliefs and actions.

Recently, as I sifted through my email spam folder, I stumbled upon a headline that caught my attention. It claimed that a particular sleeping position could increase the risk of Alzheimer’s disease. Another email touted the miraculous powers of an exotic nut to cure various ailments. Both seemed outlandish, so I quickly dismissed them. But it got me thinking: why did I dismiss these claims while others might embrace them?

The answer lies in the culmination our experiences, our values, and the voices we have chosen to listen to.

Growing up, we absorb knowledge from our parents, teachers, and mentors. We trust their guidance because it’s grounded in personal connection and shared experiences. But as we navigate adulthood, our sources of information diversify. We turn to friends, the internet, social media, religion, news outlets, and professionals for guidance on everything from health to politics to spirituality.

Yet, amidst all this noise, how do we discern truth from fiction?

Do we place our trust in the echo chambers of social media, the sensationalism of news networks, or the wisdom of our inner selves? The answer isn’t straightforward. It’s a complex interplay of critical thinking, intuition, and discernment.

Our beliefs, opinions, and worldview are shaped by the narratives we choose to embrace.

Whether it’s the reassuring voice of a trusted mentor, the authoritative tone of a medical professional, or the persuasive rhetoric of a news anchor, we’re constantly evaluating and reevaluating where to place our trust – or we should be! However, there is a huge number of people who blindly believe what they hear from their “preferred source”, without questioning or critically analyzing the information presented to them.

In today’s hyper-connected world, the challenge is not only to filter out misinformation but also to cultivate a deeper understanding of our own beliefs and biases. It requires humility, curiosity, and a willingness to challenge our assumptions. It’s about recognizing that truth is often multifaceted and subjective, shaped by the lenses through which we view the world.

So, who and what do you trust?

Take a moment to reflect on the sources of information that inform your beliefs. Are they rooted in evidence, reason, and personal experience? Or are they influenced by fear, prejudice, or external agendas? It’s a serious question with far-reaching implications for how we navigate our lives and engage with the world around us.

As we journey through today’s massive network of information, let’s anchor ourselves in the pursuit of truth, love, and understanding. Embrace diversity of thought, engage in meaningful dialogue, and remain open to new perspectives. In doing so, we not only empower ourselves but also contribute to a more informed, compassionate, and interconnected society.

In the end, the choice of who to trust is ours to make. Let’s choose wisely.

Be encouraged today because even though the pool is green and full of leaves, it still works, it’s just saying it needs your attention. All things living need a little TCL… give it to yourself!

I know from experience that we can all get caught up in thought – goals, responsibilities, finding the answers, asking the questions, dealing with pain from the past, worrying about the future – that we forget to take care of the organic nature of the things in our life. A very wise friend once told me “You can demand an explanation from the wind but all it will do is blow.”

I think most of us want life to meet us on our own terms, but like the image above, the pool water tells me “no” you have to meet life on it’s terms, you have to put in the chemicals, clean out the leaves and dirt.  Life is supposed to be hard, stinky, and messy.  We have to deal with it. We must learn to be ok with our life as it is, play the hand we’ve been dealt.  And in doing so, tend to the nature of things.  If we don’t – well, you know what happens, it stacks up and gets on top of you, crushing your spirit and your heart – making a mess of things.  So take the time today and give yourself a little TLC. You’re ok, things are moving in the right direction, you may just need to clear away the debris so you can see more clearly.

Love and hugs,

]]> https://saturdaysoul.com/even-you-need-a-little-tlc/feed/ 0 1736 https://saturdaysoul.com/reflections-on-the-eclipse/ https://saturdaysoul.com/reflections-on-the-eclipse/#respond Mon, 08 Apr 2024 15:53:45 +0000 https://saturdaysoul.com/?p=10514 […]]]> Reflections on the Eclipse: Finding Meaning in the Moments That Matter

This is a big day! Today marks a significant celestial event, one that has captivated humanity for centuries: a total solar eclipse.

As the Moon passes between the Earth and the Sun, casting a shadow upon our planet, we are reminded of the vastness and wonder of the universe. There has been a huge buzz about it all, and rightfully so, things like this don’t happen every day. It breaks the mundane, and gives us all something to go outside and experience together.

But amidst the fascination and anticipation, I can’t help but think about it in a different perspective – a perspective rooted not in the grandeur of the cosmos, but in the quiet beauty of our everyday lives.

Today’s eclipse is indeed a remarkable phenomenon. Scientists and astronomers have meticulously calculated its trajectory, mapping out its path across the globe. We’re told that such an event won’t happen again for another two decades or so, adding to its allure and significance. But what about that smile of delight on your two-year-old’s face today? Will you ever see anything quite like that again?

Will today, in the moment when the eclipse passes over your head, be any more dazzling than witnessing the infectious laughter of your child? In 20 years, you may see a completely different human smiling, laughing, but it won’t be the same as today.

All I am saying is that these moments can be easily overlooked, deemed ordinary or insignificant, and if you’re not careful, be lost. Yet, they possess a magic that transcends even the most spectacular celestial events.

These simple pleasures define the essence of our lives, reminding us of the importance of being present in the here and now.

In a world consumed by the pursuit of success and material wealth, it’s easy to lose sight of the simple beauty that surrounds us. As the Moon moves across the Sun today, we will be enthralled and in awe, of course. Take a mental snapshot of what’s happening around you – capture the smiles, the laughter, and the fleeting moments of joy. And remember, true happiness is not found in some big, grand event, but in the love and connections we share every day.

Love and Joy!

Dealing with Chaos, Survival, and Love

By Sandy Hibbard

It’s easy to get lost in the chaos of our days. Frustration, procrastination, overbooked schedules, not enough money — the things we must deal with are endless. Each day presents its own set of challenges, and sometimes it feels like we’re barely keeping our heads above water. This morning was no exception for me.

As I juggled my work schedule around a doctor’s appointment, stole a moment to watch Paw Patrol with my grandson, and prepared for a business trip to New York, the anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. The last thing I wanted to do was drive to yet another doctor’s appointment, again to the dermatologist to have another damn mole removed. It all weighed heavy on my mind as I said goodbye to my family, but then my daughter’s words stopped me in my tracks: “Would you rather be dead? Would you rather be going to chemo?”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Would I rather be dead? The answer, of course, was no. Chemo? Hell no! Despite the inconvenience, despite the fear of another procedure, I knew that facing these challenges was a privilege denied to many. It was a reminder to embrace life, even in its most chaotic and scary moments.

I guess you could say I’ve been on a journey of survival. Over the past 19 months, I’ve faced melanoma head-on. I have had around 13-14 moles surgically removed (I feel like a patchwork quilt!), two melanomas “dug out” along with lymph nodes, CAT scans and MRI’s — each procedure a stark reminder of the fragility of life. It’s a journey that has tested me in ways I never imagined, but it’s also a journey that has taught me the true value of my family and every moment that we draw breath.

Recently, I listened to an episode of the podcast Hidden Brain titled “Ventilator.” It explored our attitudes towards life and death, highlighting how we often talk big about not wanting to be on life-support when we are healthy and planning for the end of life, but when we are actually faced with the choice between life and death, we choose life without hesitation. It’s a powerful reminder of our innate will to survive, even in the face of overwhelming odds. It has helped me understand the UNDERSTATED will to live that my dad had when he was going through cancer, and that my mom has who is suffering from crippling scoliosis and dementia. No matter how old you are, you want to live!

Reflecting on my own journey, I can’t help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the gift of life. Each day is a precious opportunity to embrace all that it has to offer — the highs, the lows, and everything in between. The things we want to do and the things we loathe to do. It’s a reminder to accept each  moment we have, to cherish the ones we love, and to never take another day for granted.

So, what is your heart feeling? What is your soul going through? In the midst of life’s chaos, take a moment to pause and reflect. What pisses you off, turns you on, gives you strength? And what’s up with love? For me, love is the driving force behind it all. It’s what gives me the strength to face each day with courage and resilience. It’s what reminds me that no matter how dark the storm may seem, there is always a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

This life — in all its messy, beautiful glory, is definitely worth embracing. Let’s seize each moment with gusto, knowing that we have the power to shape our own destinies. Let’s choose life, not just today, but every day. After all, would you rather be dead? I think not.