― C. JoyBell C.

Learning to be comfortable with yourself and to Spread Your Wings

For someone who was married most my life and now divorced, learning to be alone and trust and know my own self and my thoughts has been a challenge at times but an adventure toward priceless self-discovery!  I believe that living the fullness of our soul is in becoming increasingly aware of ourselves and the beauty and the magic we possess!

Love and peace!
XOXO
Sandy

The fear of the unknown can be very intimidating, daunting and at times debilitating. Ultimately, today is the only moment we have any control over, no matter what our goals are, no matter what we have our sights set on. We may be able to aid the outcome or hinder it, but so much is dependent upon how we take advantage of the bounty the world has to offer us each and every day.

Whether the uncertainty you have is in relationships, your career, your longevity or anything that keeps you up at night, the key is to always make sure your wings are spread. For example, in a relationship, it is better to trust and work toward something wonderful that you may be uncertain about(a future, a life together, etc) rather than to settle for something mediocre that while certain, may not be all that fulfilling. The same can be said for your career. It is only when you take a leap, when you do something slightly different than what you’ve been doing before that progress has the chance to happen.

Here are ten ways to practice spreading your own wings:

1. Look for the opportunity in every situation. Any time you find yourself in situations that are less than desirable, choose to see the opportunity for growth. Maybe a difficult situation at work allows you to hone your negotiating skills, or perhaps a failed relationship is allowing you to learn how to be a better partner and also how to communicate more clearly what you need in a relationship and what you can compromise on. Believe it or not, there is a silver lining to everything.

2. Always be observing as well as participating. This past year I have had more new and amazing experiences than I could have predicted when 2012 began, but through each experience I tried absorb as much as possible. For example, if you are in a new environment, take in all of the surroundings, cultural traditions and behaviors.  Drink in all of the inspiration that is just waiting to be captured. While you will most certainly want to participate, you will also want to be an observer of how and why things work – what you gravitated towards and what shocked you. Take note. Who knows when these observations could come in handy one day.

3. Ask questions of those who are the experts in the fields. If you are in a quandary, seek out experts in the fields you are curious about. If I have a question or concern about teaching, I often find myself calling up my mentor to ask her questions about teaching, or instead choose to read books by top researchers on topics that pique my interest.

4. Be willing to look foolish. Be willing to try, no matter what the outcome. Trying anything new can be intimidating partially because there is the fear that you may fail horribly. Well, of course this is a possibility! Think about a baby trying to walk for the first time. Many, many, many attempts are made immediately followed by tumbles to the floor before success occurs. But so long as you continue to try and fine tune what you learn from each experience, you will eventually build that muscle and find yourself standing without a hint of a wobble.

5. Keep a journal. Recording your thoughts in the present sometimes seems like a waste of time. However, just like a good bottle of red wine, well after you’ve tucked it away, the wisdom and truth begin to blossom. From my experience, it isn’t until a year has passed or more that I can look at the words I have written and see a pattern, or determine a passion, a curiosity or a purpose to my actions that may not have been visible initially in the moment. Give this amazing gift to yourself – keep a journal. You may be surprised by how much it could help guide you to where you are meant to go.

6. Don’t run from what you fear. Address it. Confront it. Ask why you are fearful. What are you fearful of – losing, feeling, discovering? After all, it is when we confront what we think we cannot that we gain confidence and strength rather than by doing what we already knew we could.

7. If traditional mores don’t suit your soul, try something else until you discover what it is about the tradition that makes you uncomfortable. Often it isn’t the entire event, but labels, preconceived notions and assumptions that go along with it. Dig deeper and understand what your instincts are trying to tell you. Then decide to create your own culture that suits your sensitivities, passions, values and curiosities.

8. Become comfortable with your own company. Embrace what you discover about yourself through all of life’s trials and adventures.

9. If you feel you aren’t being heard, attempt new and different ways of expressing how you’re feeling (write a blog, take photos, start painting, begin sculpting, try dancing, exercise your voice through your sartorial choices, etc). Most importantly, find a way to communicate with the world which is healthy, helpful and cathartic. By working through your thoughts and feelings, you are not suppressing yourself, thus allowing for the world to communicate with you based on how you interact with it. Often times, what it communicates is full of valuable suggestions on how to progress forward.

10. Don’t give up so quickly. Have patience. I would like to use my experience in blogging to explain why patience is something none of us should ever lose sight of. Nearly three years ago I began The Simply Luxurious Life (at that time it was only Simply Luxurious), and as I now meet fellow bloggers who are just getting started, I realize that they have just begun to realize the multitude of opportunities that await them so long as they continue with their craft even when there is no fanfare. Much like planting perennial bulbs in the fall, we won’t see or know their beauty until nearly six months later in the spring when we’ve forgotten about the time spent in the yard digging, spacing and kneeling to place them precisely where we want them to spring up. So continue to spread your wings, soak up all that life presents to you even if it doesn’t make sense at the time and trust that your continued efforts to live your best life on a daily basis are already paying off and will one day build to create an amazing legacy.

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”  ~Henry David Thoreau

Thanks to the folks at Simply Luxurious for sharing their lovely ideas on living – be sure and stop by to visit them!

XOXO

Sandy

Love and hugs,

Sandy

5 Simple Ways to Be Happy with Yourself 

The desire for happiness is universal. We all crave it. I think everyone wants to be happy and we all seek for ways to maintain that happy state, but that’s a pretty tall order. Not everyone knows how to achieve that state.

Unfortunately, our culture hasn’t helped with this confusion. We have been conditioned to associate happiness with material and outward trappings.

The line of thinking is that, if we have more things, if we’re the most beautiful, if we have fame and money, we will be more fulfilled. As a result, a lot of people spend their entire lives chasing happiness, only to be left feeling less than, insecure and worthless. Happiness is not something that you find external to yourself. You won’t buy a new dress or purchase a new car and feel like you’re living on a cloud, at least not for long.

Sure, you may feel short-term gratification from all these material things, but this feel-good vibe won’t last. It won’t be long until you will be looking for the next best thing to fill that void.

There’s no magic pill for happiness. Happiness is an inside job, a choice that you have to make. Try the following to learn how to be happy with yourself every day.

1. Practice Mindfulness

How you start your day matters. If you begrudgingly roll out of bed, put on a pot of coffee, and rush out the door to work, how do you think your day will unfold?

I don’t know about you, but my emotions can get the best of me. If you don’t master your mind, your mind will master you. This is why I’m such a big believer in creating an empowering habits to support the life you want, and morning is a great place to start.

When you take the time every morning to nourish your mental and emotional state, you set yourself up for success. Meditate, journal, exercise, recite affirmations, juice, dance. Do whatever it takes to get yourself into a “high vibe” state.

Yes, meditating is great, but it’s bigger than that. You want to strive to live more mindfully all around. Think of mindfulness as a moment-to-moment awareness of one’s experience, without judgment.

Strive to be more present in every given moment of your life. Instead of rushing from one thing to the next, take time to pause and enjoy the little things.

2. Be Grateful

Gratitude is a way of living that focuses on seeing the good, no matter how dire one’s circumstances are. Of course, it can be hard to be grateful when you’re going through difficult times in life. However, there is always a silver lining in every struggle. You just have to be willing to look for it. When you adopt an attitude of gratitude, you shift into a state of appreciation. All of sudden, there is no room for sadness because you are choosing love.

Research shows that gratitude is strongly associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, and deal with adversity.

If you don’t already, I encourage you to start a gratitude journal. A simple practice like this one only takes a few minutes every day. It has the power to change your life. What are you grateful for?

3. Find Your Tribe

By nature, we are social creatures. Connecting with one another helps us thrive, especially when we are faced with difficult times (this is why social distancing has been a challenge for many).

Research shows that people who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, and greater empathy for others.

I wouldn’t be who I am today without the solid tribe of people that I call family. These are my people. Although my circle is small, I know that these people will always have my back, no matter what.

You become the five people whom you surround yourself with. If you want to be a happy and successful person, you need to make sure that your friends have the same vision as you.

Strive to find people who empower you to become a better version of yourself. They will naturally enhance your happiness and make you feel good about yourself.

4. Connect to Your Body Intelligence

Where people get stuck is that they live too much of their lives in their heads and fail to connect with their body intelligence. Your body is a vessel that is constantly speaking to you.

When you don’t listen to it, you end up getting into trouble. The body is intimately connected to the gut. The more that you go inward and bring attention to your body, the more you are able to connect with your intuition.

It is the place of inner wisdom that brings you back home to yourself. In actual fact, every cell in the body is intelligent, with the heart acting like a conductor for the cellular processes taking place within us in each and every moment. There are a variety of different modalities that allow you to connect to your body intelligence, whether it’s dance, yoga, or chi gong. When you allow yourself to drop out of your head and into your heart, you come to realize that everything you’ve ever needed is already inside of you.

5. Don’t Take Life So Seriously

Life is so short. If you spend the entire ride worrying and agonizing about everything, you will miss so many beautiful moments. Not only that, but it will create dis-ease in the body.

An overemphasis on seriousness in life lends itself to a narrow way of understanding what’s worth your time and attention.

In childhood, we are encouraged to play and be free. However, a lot of people lose this desire once they become adults. If you can relate to this, let me ask you something… what would happen if you slowed down and took the time to enjoy life more?

You don’t want to get to the end of your life and wish that you had laughed and smiled more often. Nobody wants to live with regrets.

The next time that you’re taking yourself too seriously, step back and ask yourself: “Is this situation worth getting so frustrated over?” If not, move on and get back to enjoying life.

Final Thoughts

You can’t always control the external world. However, you can always control your internal world. Finding simple ways to be happy with yourself every day is a commitment. However, it’s worth the effort because you deserve to live a happy life.

*article source and inspiration: LifeHack

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”

~ Henry David Thoreau

“I constantly catch my mind planning out my future. I might be thinking about where to have dinner (the very near future), dreaming of my next home (the few years away future), deciding on my next travel adventure (the hopefully this year future), or what type of shoes I want to buy next (the sometime this month future).

In my mind, I am living in the future. Creating my next steps along the way. My brain just constantly planning, scheming, dreaming and thinking about what lies ahead.” ~ Of Undisputed Origin

This blog post stopped me in my tracks. So true that we are always working up something for the future. I think it takes a lot of practice to stay in and relish in the present moment. I continue to work on being aware, and to skillfully learn to use my presence to keep me focused on what is before me.

I have learned more of this practice since having my first granddaughter. She has overwhelmed me with the beauty of presence, the innocence of life and the brilliance of discovering each little burst of growth. And I have noticed it by simply being aware. I think we grow more and more aware when we allow ourselves to BE love. Maybe as we learn more about love we are moved to awareness on a different level… perhaps as we grow in age and wisdom we embrace the simplicity of being in the now.  Whatever the answers, don’t miss out on what is happening right now in you and without you – as Thoreau said, “… find your eternity in each moment“.

XOXOXO

Featured image: Roma (2018 film) by Alfonso Cuarón

“Fortune cookie wisdom” is that Yoda-like knowledge that lovingly pops up around us right when we need it… if you are paying attention. It’s that good ole common sense that feels right, it’s the simple answer to a chaotic situation, it is the kind thought translated into effective action. And yes, it can come to you even inside the common fortune cookie.

Today I opened a fortune cookie after eating Chinese food and it read: You are the mast in everything. At first I thought it was a typo. Perhaps it should have said “master”, meaning that I was the master in every situation. Maybe. Then I thought, hmmm, it could mean exactly that – “mast”. After all, a ship can’t sail without one!  {A mast is a pole that rises vertically from a ship and supports the sails. It has a very important job – to support the sails, which allows the wind to propel the ship.}

The idea of me, you, us, being the mast of our lives carries some weight, doesn’t it? To realize that there is no one coming to bail you out. You are the one that charts your path and navigates your course. Heavy, but freeing, right? 

I am the mast in every situation.

This tidbit of wisdom discovered over lunch reminded me to stand tall and strong, to be brave and fearless. To be aware, conscious in the present moment. Without my own sound resolve and loving presence in the situations of my life, all will be chaos! I am the one that stabilizes the difficult times. I create the foundation that becomes my bedrock. I am the mast that supports the sails of my life that will point me in the right direction. Sure we get help along the way, in a million different ways, but consider that the help you need is flowing to you via your mast! Receiving the success and peace you seek ultimately depends on how well you “see” and respond to the wisdom that comes your way.

The simple beauty is this: life is faithful. Not to get too mystical or spiritual, but your own outlook, your faith, the Universe, God, whatever you put your trust in –  is consistent to give us what we need to support our lives. Knowledge is all around us to encourage, to teach, to guide us to truth. It will show us how to BE. Wisdom is with us everywhere, even in the fortune cookie! Wisdom’s lessons are in Nature. We hear its voice in the loving words of our friends. It is the light that illuminates our journey through the little gems strewn along the footpath. Pay attention.

In the long run it’s your own unique way of seeing and staying aware in your daily life that hones your unique perspective. It also helps to keep you from taking yourself too seriously. Perhaps that’s how you master the juggling act…

Love and peace XOXOXOOX

So often we miss out on the moment because we are too preoccupied thinking of other things, or stressed out over what we need to do, or too busy to even think at all.  I have been there.  I’m changing. Each day I want to focus more on how to stay alert and aware of the present moment – to DO. MY. BEST.  George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life” was so bogged down in the demands of life that it chiseled away at his self esteem, to the point that he didn’t think HE was worth anything living. He finally learned that “no man is a failure who has friends” through the love and awareness of the people who cared for him.

In matters of love, we often take for granted the tender sweet moments we share with our lover, they are gone all too quickly, but when we are present, they will be indelibly written upon our hearts.  When we are alive in the moment, we are not the only one that will be blessed, but those around us will be enriched by our giving, by our awareness.  It simply says “I love you, you are important to me”.  Being present has the power to change and enhance our lives and the lives of others.

I challenge you to join me in being “awake in awareness” today and everyday. Let’s witness each act of love that is shared, and received, and relish in every moment, every hug, every caress and laugh!

XOXOX

“I am not what happens to me.  I choose who I become.”
~ Carl Jung

Someone told me once that you can live your life by consequence or you can live your life by choice.  I want to live by choice.  It is not always easy, in fact, it is usually a challenge. When you take control of your own life and decisions, when you consciously choose your path and how you will live it – there is peace and satisfaction, joy and reward.  I believe it is the road less traveled, but along that road is beauty untold…

Love and Hugs!
Sandy

Amazing painting by: Hans Jürgen Diez – “Portrait”

Where do we place the blame for our pain from the past?

Good question huh?  When we are feeling the pain from our past we so want to blame it on something other than ourselves and nurture the fantasy of our wrong-doer to plot out and imagine revenge.  We want our pain to go away so we try to look for a place to put it that will make us feel better.  However, many times we just act right out!  We embrace that ugly feeling, project it on others, and let it run amuk!  Sound like something you have experienced? I certainly have.
This year I learned about the “Noticer” – a supra-awareness that if we practice it through concentration, will become  our internal guide to the reality of our feelings.  The noticer is engaged when I, through my own thinking, imagine myself outside of myself, observing and “noticing” what I am feeling.  I continue to learn about and experiment with this process and its benefits, I wanted to share a few ideas with you so you can try it out for yourself – let me introduce you to the Noticer –
The Noticer
When we experience our emotions, we immediately identify with them and believe they are true.  But when the “Noticer” (that godlike voice within us) is engaged and we allow ourselves to get outside what our feelings are and what we are thinking to NOTICE them and put them into perspective, three things happen:
1-  the Noticer helps us to see that the feelings are not the truth
2-  I can identify with those feelings to help me see that they are not true
3-  I see that the feelings come from the past and put them into historical perspective
When I use the noticer to discover the source of my feelings it allows me to understand and realize that there is no solution for these past feelings I am grappling with, only compassionate awareness.  When I have compassionate awareness I can place my feelings into their historical perspective, realizing that’s it!  The sadness, the loneliness, the withdrawal, self loathing, the anger, or any other painful emotion is replaying an emotion from the past. When I engage the noticer it helps me to have a space of freedom from the struggle and the pain of what I am feeling.  When I am suffering through painful emotions from the past, I am really putting myself into a  situation where I plead for a solution; but there is no solution for the past, only compassionate awareness.
When you are sitting by the pool, driving to work, walking through the park or laying on your bed and you are whining and crying, moaning and groaning over what you are feeling, you are pleading for a solution – you want to know why! I totally understand. We want to lay blame on our pain and find out why we are hurting so it will stop, right?  We want a solution for it, and we want it now.  BUT we must realize that the painful emotion(s) we are feeling is pain from the past, and we are dealing with the helplessness of it.  There is nothing that we can do with the pain from the past but to feel it, we must learn to take the sense of blame out of it.  We can only feel it now, identify that it is pain from the past, and realize that the only solution is to put it in it’s historical context with compassionate awareness – the only awareness that makes sense from the past when we were helpless.
When I am angry I mistake it for a present reality when in fact it is only a memory, a pain from the past that I am having to deal with now. (Have you ever heard of getting your buttons pushed?) I must learn to practice the noticer and realize that there is nothing I can do with my feelings and emotions except to place them in their historical perspective and embrace them with compassionate awareness.
Here is an illustration that might help explain what I am saying: Remember when you were in college and you were taking a test or studying and looking for answers to the questions?  You were waiting for that answer to come to your mind. You would get outside your circumstance of where you were and go to the equation or problem that needed an answer and review in your mind the information around the subject.  You most likely would use your concentration and be quiet so you could hear the answer in your mind.  Maybe you would ask a question and be very still and quiet so you could hear the answer.  Sometimes you would get a feeling about it, “a hunch”, and then  follow the feeling to see where it would take you and what you would understand from it.  This is similar to (according to my present understanding) having supra awareness outside of our own self (engaging the noticer). It is being aware of that voice within us – the collectiveness of our spirit, soul, body and mind that is the god in us – and listening to the voice that is bringing us into all truth and wholeness.  Engaging the noticer helps us to see the realty of our feelings, identify with them, then place them in their correct historical perspective.
Love and hugs for a great week!
Sandy