Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

LOVE: Like Unwrapping a Box of Chocolates

Listen to Sandy:

Where have I felt loved? That’s a big question and not so easily answered. Not because I haven’t experienced much love, but because there is no black or white answer.

In my lifetime, I have done a lot of things; I have put myself “out there” as a performer, singer, actor, teacher, counselor, parent, friend, daughter, and leader more times than I can even recount. In those times, I have basked in respect, camaraderie, joy, acceptance, gratefulness – many of the attributes that you might associate with love. But has there been a moment when I was saturated in feelings of love? I’ve had to think about this.

This is a question more easily answered by a 13-year-old, who hasn’t lived life and had a lot of life experiences. But as a 66-year-old who has lived a large life and as a result, I am filled with the knowledge of my experiences, there is no black-and-white answer to this question. As soon as I can remember a time where I felt loved, looking back on it in the big picture of things with understanding and knowledge, I can easily say,  “…yeah but.” It was only a moment. Does that sound hard and bitter? No, it shouldn’t, because I’m not. What I’m saying is that love is an emotion that we feel. We take home that feeling from a situation or a moment we have experienced.

Probably the most awesome “feeling” of love is experienced while having sex. But we all know that sex does not always equal love! When we cook meals for our family, they might show their appreciation and you’re going to feel loved, but they’re also just thanking you and showing emotion for their food because they’re hungry. If I get on stage to perform and get a standing ovation and people come up to me afterwards and tell me how great I am, sure, in that moment, I’m feeling love. But in reality these people are just happy to be given something that makes them feel better. I’m a conduit and they appreciate the message. We are all messengers! 

So when I dig a little deeper (because this is a vast subject, this love thing), I find that this feeling of love is really about how we are feeling about ourselves. It’s about self-love, displayed through authentic acceptance, forgiveness, and grace – for me! Embracing my faults, failures, inadequacies, and all the things I bring to the table as a human being.

Love becomes palpable when I act out of love in whatever I do, it’s not as a transaction for validation.

Of course, I feel love when my grandchildren hug me, or when my son and daughter share an embrace. I could say that it’s a given [to feel love], but obviously it’s not. There are people who never feel loved from their family. But in my case, there is an authentic moment of love in the interactions that I have daily with my children and my grandchildren, because that is what I have groomed with them. It’s not because I have performed in a way to deserve it.  This is the biggie, love is not a transaction, it’s not a reward. It is a choice we make first within our own minds.

Bottom line, you will feel love when you love yourself and you allow your actions to be based on authentic motives without fear or judgement. Those are the moments that shout “LOVE WAS HERE!“. The ripples of authentic love are boundless, diverse, and surprising – like unwrapping a new box of chocolates!

XOXOXO

Getting our lives and businesses geared up for success is all about cultivating those good habits that align with the kind of lifestyle we crave. It’s like wanting to conquer a marathon – you have to develop a habit of hitting the pavement, training hard, and breaking a sweat, right? Or if you’re after a life free from the corporate grind, it’s about getting your financial ducks in a row, building a solid network, mastering a skill you can cash in on, and scoring clients. Crafting the vision for your life isn’t always a walk in the park; it often comes with its fair share of doubts and uncertainties.

Creating a Space for Opportunities

In my business, when I set up new business products and the marketing and promotions that go with them, it requires a laser focus. When I mix all that with my personal life activities and challenges, that focus can be easy to lose. When that happens, I must pull myself back and center down on the things that are most important to my life. Empty the cluttered mind and fill it with the present moment. It’s in that space of letting go of all else that the opportunities and creative thoughts begin to simmer.

In thinking about these things, the photo I have featured here of the cairn stones is such an inspiration to me. It symbolizes an achievement I never thought possible – placing that stone on the peak of Mt Millicent. It was tough, no question but the sense of accomplishment it gave me continues to fuel my motivation and remind me of what I am really made of! Scaling that mountain showed me that letting go of fear and learning to trust myself is what it takes to continue to move forward in this life – it’s right up there with the power of walking in love.

Life’s an adventure, and sometimes you just have to take that leap.

Crafting a life without boundaries requires a good dose of courage and awareness. Personally, I tend to live on the edge, making decisions on the fly. It’s all about making those smart choices and navigating through them, and let me tell you, it takes some serious guts. I figured out ages ago that being fully “awake” and crystal clear about what I want is the first step to actually getting it! Funny enough, I was mulling over this today, realizing that where I am right now is a direct result of decisions I made 3 -5 years back – decisions that shaped both my business and personal life. Back then, I set things in motion using words, actions, and a laser focus, and now I’m living that life, backed by successful habits and systems I put into play.

But you know what can throw a wrench into the whole works? Fear. It’s a tricky little devil. It shows up to protect us, which is cool and all, but for some reason, we tend to grip onto it. Fear is the first thing you gotta let go. It’s the ultimate mood killer. It slams the brakes, saps motivation, keeps us in our comfort zones, brings on the blues, clouds our minds from chasing dreams, and definitely scares us away from taking risks. You have to learn to let go of fear and ditch the notion of failure. Toss out the idea that you’re not cut out for it or unprepared, and just do it! (Props to Nike for that killer slogan!) Letting go of fear? That’s the first step to living life to the fullest.

You know, when I tackled Mount Millicent alongside my son and daughter-in-law, I had no clue what we were getting into. I’m not the climber in the family – that title belongs to Joshua. But here’s the kicker: I found myself prepped for success. I’d been hitting the hiking trails, keeping in good shape, and had all the right gear – the proper shoes, clothes, and whatnot. And perhaps the most crucial ingredient? The right leader. Joshua took the helm, having scaled that mountain multiple times. He could clue me in on what to expect, guide me on technique, and prep me mentally. Sure, I was scared initially. When I laid eyes on that mountain, I thought, “No way, I can’t climb that,” especially when he dropped the bomb that we’d be “scrambling” up the side – practically vertical. (And in hiking lingo, scrambling means tackling rocks without a trail.) My mind could’ve easily clung to the fear – the fear of not making it, the fear of falling and getting hurt, the fear that it was just too darn hard. But I didn’t! I chose to push those fears aside, live in the moment, seize the opportunity in front of me, muster up the courage, and GO.

When faced with a tough task, we can either throw in the towel or scramble right over it. It’s our call. The more you work on building up good habits that support what you want to do, the stronger you get when challenges come knocking.

So, there you have it! Building habits that align with the life we want. Getting ready for the task and staying ready. Keeping a focused mind on the unfolding present moment. All these things open the door to achieving greater heights and chasing our dreams. How about you? How are you paving the way for accomplishments in your life and business?

XOXOXO

In the vast tapestry of relationships, many women find themselves woven into a silent corner, muted by societal expectations and generations of conditioning. Today, women are different (it seems that way), our world has changed, and the expectations of us have changed. Or have they? It takes a profound metamorphosis to learn to speak your truth if you have had a lifetime of being taught to defer to men (or others), or have not been allowed to express freely.

Unraveling the Threads of Silence

For too long, countless women have navigated this life by silencing their voices, their dreams, and their desires in the name of tradition or perceived societal norms. The statistics are telling — a staggering number of women have faced the debilitating grip of silence in relationships. But how can it be possible to accurately measure that number?

In one study, researchers followed nearly 4,000 people in Framingham, Massachusetts over 10 years. They found that “women who didn’t express themselves when they had fights with their spouses were four times more likely to die than those who did.” This was true even when factors such as age, blood pressure, smoking, and levels of cholesterol were taken into account.

In the late 1980s, Harvard-trained psychologist Dana Jack identified a recurring theme among female patients suffering from depression: a tendency to self-silence, defined as “the propensity to engage in compulsive caretaking, pleasing the other, and inhibition of self-expression in relationships in an attempt to achieve intimacy and meet relational needs.” Through research, Jack found that this learned behavior, strongly rooted in gender norms, was linked to an increased risk of depression.

Since then, considerable evidence has revealed that female self-silencing isn’t just tied to psychological issues like depression and eating disorders, but also to physical illness.

*Source https://time.com/6319549/silencing-women-sick-essay/

Self-Silencing

When women push their feelings down and cast their needs aside, their health suffers. But it can be difficult for women to do otherwise in a culture that celebrates these *self-silencing practices. While young women are praised for “being chill,” moms are revered for being painstakingly altruistic to the point of self-abnegation. These unspoken standards establish a vicious cycle. For many women, it feels easier—beneficial, even—to silence their needs at the expense of their own health, rather than swim against the prevailing cultural current.

*Self Silencing theory is based on a study of clinically depressed women’s descriptions of their experiences, including their understanding of what led up to their depression.  The women detailed how they began to silence or suppress certain thoughts, feelings, and actions that they thought would contradict their partner’s wishes. They did so to avoid conflict, to maintain a relationship, and/or to ensure their psychological or physical safety. They described how silencing their voices led to a loss of self and a sense of being lost in their lives. They also conveyed their shame, desperation, and anger over feelings of entrapment and self-betrayal.

*Source https://blog.oup.com/2010/03/silencing-the-self/

The Struggle: An Intimate Affair

The struggle to break free from this “self-silencing” is, for many, an intimate affair — a battle waged within the confines of one’s own heart and mind. It’s a journey through self-discovery, a realization that our voices are not only valid, but essential to any relationship and to our own health. Many times it is necessary to take this personal battle to a therapist who can help to carefully unravel the threads with compassion and understanding.

My Own Struggle with Self-Silencing

After decades of deferring and silencing, and dealing with depression, I had to consciously become aware and practice finding my own voice.

As a young girl, teenager, and young adult, I followed a silent code I had made when I was very young “I will learn to keep my mouth shut and that way I will avoid fighting and conflict”. I learned that model at home, followed it closely and I was successful. I could avoid the bad stuff. I could be an “observer”, I didn’t have to participate.

Old Outdated Maps

I took this model into my first marriage and my young adult life. It was easier to just go along and not stir the waters. Of course, this only led to surface level relationships, more depression, and the eventual dismantling of my marriage.

No matter how hard I tried, I was still not able to avoid conflict, yet I was lost and overpowered without the strength of my own confident voice and mind. I have often told my kids, “I had to learn how to think for myself and have my own opinion”. Not an easy task! It has taken most of my life to do that and I still have to work on it. Conditioning is powerful.

Getting Outside Help

After years of therapy with a wonderful doctor that I completely trusted, I was able to see and understand the hitch I had made with myself and began to rewrite my map. I had to learn how to standup for myself when necessary, accept the bad things, and act from my own mind even when it felt unsure, scary and uncomfortable. I was able to draft my own internal mission and mantra for my life, rewrite my spiritual beliefs without fear, and move shamelessly back into love.

This is the Reward

Even after being made aware of my own self-silencing, I still failed, many times. Another lost marriage, a dear friendship gone down the drain, more failed love interests, business deals gone bad, and struggles financially. Yet, isn’t this the essence of life? I’ve embraced it, experiencing every twist and turn on my own terms and in my own voice. Today, I can openly share my story with unwavering authenticity, free from fear, or how I “should be”. This, to me, is the ultimate reward.

Shattering the Chains: Embracing Empowerment

The journey of finding one’s voice is not a sprint but a marathon (understatement!!), often marked by moments of courage and self-reflection. It’s about reclaiming power, rewriting narratives, starting new habits, and embracing the beauty of authentic self-expression. This doesn’t happen overnight. And consistency in our self-talk is so important.

We Are Beacons of Change

“A voice gives your opinions a platform, and gifts you with the opportunity to have perspective and knowledge on things that matter. No two voices are the same, each voice has something different to say. And in a world that needs to represent freedom and democracy, a voice is a powerful symbol of this.” ~ The U.S. Surgeon General

According to studies on self-silencing and having your own voice, women who actively communicate their needs and desires in relationships report higher levels of satisfaction and fulfillment. This underscores the importance of breaking free from the shackles of silence and embracing open communication.

When you speak up, it is not always going to be a positive experience. In fact, your worst fears may come true…

*People may laugh at you, ignore you, or maybe even attack you for something you say. When this happens, it is easy to become discouraged and slip back into censorship or self-silencing. Building resilience empowers you to push through negative emotions, reclaim your voice, and stay committed to using and honoring your voice.

Building resilience when things don’t go the way you want can look like this:

• • • Practicing self-compassion through positive self-talk
    • Self-validating
    • Normalizing rejection and not taking it too personally
    • Finding safe spaces and people who value your voice for additional support/validation
    • Reframing your perspective to elicit a more positive feeling
    • Hold empathy for the other people involved that their response may not be about you but instead something that they are experiencing

*Source https://thebetteryouinstitute.com/2022/05/26/reclaim-your-voice/

For building resilience, I also found that practicing the “Four Agreements” was highly effective for me along my journey:

1. 1. 1. Be impeccable with your words
      2. Don’t take things personally
      3. Never make assumptions
      4. Always do your best

Embracing the Power Within

As we navigate the path to finding our voices, it’s crucial to recognize the power that resides within us. Each word uttered, every desire expressed, contributes to experiencing a healthy relationship – it is your creative power! This is why professional help is sometimes necessary to help you move from self-silencing (the old map) to a powerful and creative voice (the new map). You must learn to love and respect yourself first. From that foundation, you can learn your voice clearly and compassionately. Understanding and acceptance is the key to our own personal success in discovering our true authentic voice.

Nurturing Transformation: A Call to Action

The journey to finding your voice is a personal one, unique as your heartbeat. It’s about recognizing the patterns, understanding the roots, and compassionately putting those things into their historical past. Only then can you coax the buds of self-expression to bloom. Make these things a practice:

1. Reflect: Take a moment to reflect on your own journey. What patterns of silence do you recognize, and how have they shaped your relationships?

2. Communicate: Engage in open conversations with your partner, friend, or loved one. Share your desires, dreams, and fears. Find a space wherein you can be free to be yourself without condemnation or judgement. Let your voice weave into the intricate dance of connection.

3. Seek Support: Reach out to friends, support groups, or professionals who can provide guidance and understanding on your journey.

A Symphony of Voices: The Future of Love

As we navigate the labyrinth of relationships, let us envision a future where every voice is heard, cherished, and celebrated. The journey to finding our voices is not just a personal triumph; it’s a collective revolution that transforms the landscape of love. It will change the world. No longer judged by social norms or conditions, but we will be accepted for our wisdom, our love, compassion, and the joy we bring to others.

That is my mission for SaturdaySoul.com, to offer a space where stories intertwine, where voices echo, and where understanding illuminates our paths to self-discovery and liberation. Together, let’s break the chains of silence and create a symphony of voices that resonate with the power of authenticity and love.

Scoops of Laughter: My First Job at Braum’s Ice Cream Store

 

What snack would you eat right now?

I had to get hungry today before I could answer this question properly. What snack would I love to have right now? I think it would have to be a Brahms Ice Cream double-dip hot fudge sundae, nuts with extra fudge. Always my classic goto.

It’s been ages since I’ve had one. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to step away from the freezer a little bit ha. The hot fudge sundae and I go way back! In fact, we go back to when I was 15 years old…

Yep, my very first job was at Braum’s Ice Cream store in the heart of Oklahoma City. Picture it – I was a wide-eyed 15-year-old who loved anything sugary getting to work in an ice cream store. It was hopeless from the start!

Braums is a local ice creamery and was close to my house when I was a kid. They have since grown to a big company with franchise stores all over Oklahoma and Texas (where I now live) and beyond.

Other than being a sweet-freak, what made this job even more delightful was that my boss was a good friend from the youth group at our church. It was as if the ice cream gods themselves had smiled upon me. My friend had just landed the coveted position of store manager, and asked if I would like to work for him. He was like a brother, so there was no hesitation, plus I was ready to make myself a little money and become a business icon.

The antics and hilarious escapades that followed eventually made me decide that food service wasn’t my forte. Break time was my sacred sanctuary, and I’d sneak away to the girls’ bathroom with a freshly made hot fudge sundae in hand. Don’t judge – sometimes, the best moments are spent in the most unexpected places.

One unforgettable incident involved a shake cup mishap that would go down in Braum’s history. Picture this: chocolate ice cream and milk spewing in all directions as the bottom of the cup decided to part ways with the rest. Panic ensued, and there I was, a clueless teenager in the midst of a dairy disaster. Lesson learned: always double-check the integrity of your shake cup and put the damn metal appliance ring around the top!

But it wasn’t all chaos and milkshake mayhem. I had the privilege of learning the fine art of scooping ice cream – a skill that comes with its own set of challenges. My overly developed right arm to this day is a testament to the countless square cartons I conquered. Who needs a gym when you’ve got ice cream to scoop?

Working alongside my friend, who doubled as my boss, added an extra layer of fun to the experience. We shared laughs, learned the ropes together, and created memories that still make me smile all these years later. Braum’s wasn’t just a job; it was a swirl of friendship, ice cream dreams, and unforgettable moments. Every scoop came with a side of laughter, and every spill was a reminder that sometimes life gets messy, especially when you’re knee-deep in chocolate and sprinkles.

What snack would I like right now?  Braums thank you! 

How do you deal with aging in this youth culture we live in today?

I love how I can be listening to the radio and a song comes on that has a great blues groove and an amazing guitar part and I immediately know that it’s Cream or Led Zeppelin playing one of their hits. And then, I may switch over to NEW MUSIC FRIDAY and sift through the latest hip hop / pop tunes and get jazzed by a new release by a young artist. I love exploring the new landscape and discovering new sounds in music. It helps me to stay in touch with what is going on in the music world, which I love and am a part of.  I think that the effort to stay in the “know” keeps you relevant.

Getting Older is an Adventure

Aging becomes a beautiful journey when you are willing to stay current, especially when you embrace all that you know and weave it into what’s happening today, I have to say it makes for a pretty cool adventure. And trust me getting older is an adventure… I have often said that “getting older is not for wusses”!

Back in the day (when I was younger), I couldn’t understand why so many old people wore a perpetual frown – the infamous “resting bitch face.” But with years comes a newfound appreciation for the hurdles that aging brings. You tend to move out of the black and white and have to learn to live in the gray with all of the hues of life you have lived with. It takes a real effort to stay in the moment, to smile in the face of challenges, and to choose positivity.

Staying Relevant is Required

Sometimes you feel a little odd as a person over 60 “getting out there”. This youth culture that we live and work in can easily exclude you if you’re over a certain age – totally disregarding the knowledge and wisdom that you offer. Living with, hanging around, and working with younger people than myself, helps me stay in tune with a side of me that is still growing and exploring. I would recommend a good dose of youth for everyone over the age of 60! I live in a multi-generational home. I am with my kids and grandkids 24/7. Sometimes I can see the divide that age brings and what an effort it takes on both sides to understand, have compassion for, and accept the inadequacies (or not) of all the parties. Being relevant helps you to understand what the hell is going on!

Don’t throw out that older person! We have more going for us, more knowledge, more experience, more ideas, then you can even imagine.

The misconception that life plateaus at 30, 40, 50, or 60+ is just that – a misconception. Age is a mindset, and regardless of the number, there’s ample opportunity for personal and professional growth. But do not be mislead!! We ARE different people at all those ages. We have to have compassion and patience with our own selves. The 60 year old self may have to let go of the 30 year old dream because it’s just no longer possible. On the other had, there may be even more potential for the 60 year old self to attaint the 40-50 year old self aspirations… you may be better equipped!

Quit Chasing Shadows

We all have beautiful memories, places we have lived, people we have loved, and those wonderful moments become the fabric of our life. But trying to recreate the past is like chasing shadows – it’s futile. Instead, hold on to your dreams, embrace the good that is now, nurture a grateful heart, and let a strong will guide you. As you get older there’s a richness about you that cannot be compared, and it should never be overlooked.

Learn to trust the voice you have found, and cherish the wisdom you have gained, you deserve it!

Several years ago, I launched my first video podcast – the INSIDERS on Real Estate & Marketing. Putting myself out there on video was challenging at first, I have to admit I was self-conscious about my age, but I was MORE confident about what I had to offer. And there you go! So I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and went for it. Now, 47 or so episodes later, I’m proud that I took the leap and of the library of content and information I have developed that is shared with business professionals of all ages.

Age is only a number in your head. We are not our culture, our culture is a reflection of us, so let’s change that and never let go of the magic that makes you, you!

Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?

Some Things Remain Forever

Throughout our lives, we are attached to many things. It is a fundamental aspect of our human nature. From the toddler with a cherished toy truck to the teenager deeply connected to their best friend, these attachments evolve and transform as we navigate life. Now on the other side of 60, I reflect on a myriad of things that I have held dear, many that have faded into the recesses of my memory.

As a total sentimentalist, my storage room harbors boxes dating back to fifth grade (and earlier), containing letters, trinkets, and tokens of affection. Dime store knick-knacks from leisurely walks to ME Moses in Oak Cliff, or stuff kept from my visits to Six Flags over Texas with my cousin, each item holds a memory of a simpler time and experiences that shaped me.

Yet, amidst these tangible relics, one intangible aspect stands out—the spiritual core of my youth, entwined with church, Jesus, and the rituals of growing up in a Christian home. A preacher’s kid, I found attachment in the people, customs, activities, and notably, our youth pastor.

The arrival of our youth pastor at the tender age of 12 marked a pivotal moment in my life. A vivacious young man with rosy cheeks that reminded me of Santa Claus, we all fell in love with him as he became the focal point of our tight-knit community. Weekends were consumed by youth group activities, choir singing, church services, street ministry, prison visits, and performances with my singing group. It was a vibrant social tapestry, and our youth pastor, with his infectious positivity, played a central role. 

His influence was profound, teaching me balance, resilience, and the art of a genuine smile – “A smile is just a frown turned upside down!”. He embodied the principles he preached, leaving an indelible mark on my formative years. Although my beliefs have shifted, the impact of those times remains a cherished part of my identity.

As time went by, he moved on, as did I.  But his contributions to my life stayed top of mind. Years later, I went to visit him and his wife, and he hadn’t changed a bit (except for his gray hair, now he really looked like Santa). His smile, his laughter, and his enduring love remained untouched by the passing years. It was a reminder that, despite the twists and turns of life, some connections endure, and the essence of what we once shared remained.

In the grand mosaic of life, attachments come and go. The things that don’t matter fade away, but the things that have influenced us endure, shaping who we are and who we become. Whether manifested in small trinkets or significant relationships, these attachments become a part of us forever.

What is my mission?

Navigating the Noise: A Mission for Honest Conversations and Soul Searching

In a world filled with incessant noise, where everyone seems to have an opinion, finding a space for genuine connection can be a challenge. Amidst the chaos of 24-hour news cycles and the constant buzz of social media, my mission at Saturdaysoul.com is to carve out a haven for honest conversations and soul-searching.

In the vast landscape of blogging, my purpose is clear: to cut through the noise and offer a positive and loving voice to my corner of the digital realm. 

Connecting with the entire world might be an ambitious goal, but my focus is on those who inhabit my world – my sphere of influence. This includes family, friends, neighbors, and clients. By opening up and fostering an environment that encourages honest and loving exchanges, I aim to create a space where meaningful conversations can thrive.

At the core of my mission is the belief that through authentic dialogue, we can discover the common threads that bind us together. Whether it’s the shared experiences with family, the challenges faced with friends, the interactions with neighbors, the collaborations with clients, or our struggles with real love, Saturdaysoul.com is a digital sanctuary where these connections can be forged.

Through thought-provoking stories, impassioned rants, and genuine exploration of emotions, my goal is to understand what makes your heart beat, what stirs your soul, what fuels your anger, what ignites your passion, and most importantly, what defines love for you.

In a world where online interactions can sometimes feel superficial, I want Saturdaysoul.com to stand as an example for depth and authenticity. If, through this platform, I can facilitate conversations that are both honest and loving, then I believe I am fulfilling a purpose that extends beyond the digital realm. Saturdaysoul.com is not just a blog; it’s a community, a gathering place for kindred spirits seeking connection in an era of noise.

Join me on this journey of exploration, introspection, and heartfelt conversations. Let’s navigate the noise together and create a space where the authenticity of our souls can shine through.

With Love,