When I was telling her (very vaguely) what I wanted in my life, I was unsure and stumbling all over my words.  I realized that I really wasn’t focused on what I was saying because I was too tired and stressed out and didn’t know for sure what I was feeling.  She said to me that she didn’t see the “sparkle” in my eyes when I was telling her about what I wanted to do.  Then later on in the conversation she said that I needed to get alone and find out “where my heart goes”.  That was it, that opened the gateway to thought and exploration.  Finding out where my heart goes will lead me to the passion my life requires!  Some years later, I have come to realize that finding where “my heart is going” is a real soul search!

I am a preacher’s kid.  Grew up in the church, was active in it all my young and teenage life.  I was a Jesus-Freak back in the day, protesting, passing out tracks on the streets, singing about Jesus in parking lots, ministering to street people.  Then as a young adult I was active in leadership in the church.  I co-pastored, taught Sunday school to adults, led a big choir and ran a music program, went to prisons, fed the hungry.  I was passionate.  Then life happens and we find ourselves moving on from a place of zeal into a place of “doing”.  I especially felt the reality of that when I got a divorce.  We move on…right?

Well, yes, and no.  We move on to grow up, mature and embrace a larger piece of life and reality.  But we also move away from the things that once brought a sense of purpose and fire to our hearts – the passion, the mission, the camaraderie of serving.  After talking to my friend this past week, I realized that we can move away from our heart’s path without ever knowing it.  We get cluttered up with the stuff we have to do, so much so, that we fail to take the time to listen to our hearts.  I have always believed that we are given certain talents, desires and gifts to use in this life.  If we don’t use them, then what the hell?

The truth is, I miss the passion, the mission, and the camaraderie I grew up with.  I miss working together with people who are seeking something better, wanting to give love with no strings attached.  I am haunted by memories of my past when my goals consisted of more than building a business, making money or getting a project done.  There is something each of us have within us that turns us on, something that stokes the fire that makes us who we are.  We are willing to follow it, commit to it, live for it, work for it and yes, sacrifice for it.

I have come to understand through my life and experiences, that we must treat our own hearts like we treat the heart of our treasured loved ones.  It must be nurtured, tended to and trusted.  When I spend the time with my heart, seeking it’s desire, I begin to experience the passion, the intrigue, the joy, of KNOWING it, over and over again.

Here’s to slowing down and emptying the busyness out for a time so that we can begin to know our hearts again!
Love and Peace,
Sandy

Another beautiful excerpt from Avastave’s continuing exploration of love. If you have ever truly been in love with someone where the connection was so strong, then you will understand this. It’s not about losing your life or yourself to someone else, but instead it is about a unique blending of two lives and hearts together. It is indeed a gift and you are lucky if you have ever experienced it. Sandy

There are so many words to describe how I felt the moment I saw you, and a multitude more on why I will never leave. In the end if I could summarize what I felt for him, it wasn’t love, at least not in its fleeting form. It was beyond love, it was as if I found the missing part of my soul, so in a sense you weren’t the love of my life, you are, my life. #Avastave#followthestory

Watch the video here: The Love Project

Easy to start. Difficult to end. And impossible to forget.

]]> https://saturdaysoul.com/love-is-like-war/feed/ 0 2357 https://saturdaysoul.com/a-grateful-heart-and-a-strong-will/ https://saturdaysoul.com/a-grateful-heart-and-a-strong-will/#respond Fri, 11 Dec 2015 18:00:27 +0000 http://saturdaysoul.wordpress.com/?p=128 […]]]>
Today I am thinking about my family and my sweet parents.  My dad is fighting for his life against stupid cancer and is struggling so, yet with the strongest will and spirit I have ever seen!  My mom is right by his side, after 60+ years, he is ever her love and serves him with her last ounce of strength.  They are my inspirations.  I am thinking of my sweet sisters and their families who are there by mom and dad’s sides, giving them the love, support and help they so dearly need, and my brother, who is here in NYC with me giving strength to his daughter and our Brooklyn family that has needed it this week. And of course my beauties – Josh, Sarah, and April –  though not with us physically, they are there in spirit sending love and encouragement.  Such love!  I am grateful for all.
I can see my dad in day’s past, tootle-ing around in his garden with coffee,  planting herbs and tending to his flowers, or cooking up something fabulously gourmet in the kitchen.  He moves about stealthily but deliberately to what is in his mind – I love him.  Get well pops, and be strong momma! Look for joy family, and thank each one of you for warming my heart with your love.
 
A grateful heart
I was thinking about a grateful heart
Where it ends and where it starts
There’s so much doubt that we endure
But I’ve found one thing to be true
When you seek to know another
Look with a sense of wonder
Deep into the heart
That’s where it ends and where it starts
Embrace those who choose to love
With tenderness and kindness
Walk in life without fear, open and sincere
Praise those who learn to forgive
and live with those who live!

If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing,
then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.
~ Anaïs Nin

My InkBlot

Amazing how a single chord or a smell can bring a flood of memory
melancholy that can bash out a smile
laughter
or a tear
ahhh the heart
my heart
tender as a stargazer that drips it’s pigment on the night
to cast an indelible mark
a stain of pain or ecstasy

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * *

© Sandy Hibbard.

Image © Melanie Lavrisa and available at Etsy.com

The day started early and ends quietly as the shadows slip into view from the juxtaposition of light cast from the skylights and windows against my body as it moves observingly across the soft brown wooden floor.

It’s raining outside and the quietness envelops me like a lightly woven shawl – comfortable and purposely draped to draw attention AWAY from my imperfections.

The ambient lighting from the strategically placed lamps throughout the rooms lend a feeling of warmth and mystery, romance and beauty.  A subtle illumination that is  always present to add charm and show the way.

My home is a shrine to my womanliness.  Well kept, a plethora of textures, art, books, photos, patterns – all to please my senses and collectively represent who I am and what I love.

My home is an extension of my desires.  Just like the multi-layered bric-a-brac found in this domain I have created, my desires are an eclectic mix of wants, needs, confusion, joys, unresolved pain, passions, unrequited love, misplaced understandings, and of course misunderstood events from my perspective.

Every single desire  can stand on it’s own, tell a compelling story, has a beginning, and has a purpose to drive me toward love.

In this moment, I am more aware of the individual collective of my soul and spirit than ever before.  What better comparison can I make than to my home?

My home is a reflection of my passion.  It reveals the depth of awareness, the eclecticity of my soul, and the longing for another to share it all with.

On my private canvas I can find a new treasure and place it among my favorite finds, I can work it in, make it fit, compliment it by pairing it with something else – because I find in each unique object something that delights me.  But adding in another heart and it’s menagerie of treasured wishes is not so easily accomplished!

Compromise is required as well as energy that is compassionately given in order to  create a loving environment to nurture every nuance of the heart. You must also work the sometimes unflattering elements into the mix, remove the cozy shawl to bravely reveal your imperfections too (that may be what’s needed to compliment!) and not be afraid.  Not be afraid!

To incubate another’s wish takes me on a journey toward acceptance without judgement of my own!  I learn to become cognizant of how and when to share my own private desires.   And then of course, it is finding the right person to compliment, the one who adds the right texture and provides the comfort, the light, the passionate charm.

Is it expecting too much from my collective heart to want the same thing from a partner as I would from my home? Comfort – rest – sustenance – shelter – growth – protection – safety – beauty – love?

When I was 17 I believed you could fall in love and it would last forever.  When I was 27 I believed that love was deep and strong and able to lift you above any obstacle.  When I was 37 I looked for love that would heal me.  When I was 47 I found that love could leave you stranded, broken, that is wasn’t necessarily forever.

Today, love looks like a comfortable sofa, that warms like a lightly woven scarf, that illuminates the way like an ambient lamp, that is practical and easy like a soft brown wooden floor. One heart that blends into another. Love that is a treasure that will stand on it’s own, that has a beginning and that has a purpose. Another heart that when mixed with mine will be a valued friend and partner who will become a treasure in my eclectic palette of home, life, and heart.

XOXOX

Sandy