The Distance Between Us

There is a distance
a chasm between us
a void that cannot be filled
with mere words
or expressions made
not even shortening the distance of miles between us
The span is more than miles
more than years
It is two hearts separated
engaged in two different worlds
But in that first moment
all distance was removed
differences were unnoticed
years didn’t matter
ideals didn’t matter
All that mattered was each other
All that mattered was the space between
two pair of eyes
looking at each other for the first time
The space in that breath
between our mouths
when we kissed
The space between our bodies
as we made love
That was all that mattered
I want to return to that joy
to awaken to another moment
of total abandon
that brief look into your soul
when I saw your heart
felt your skin on mine
and was forever captivated by your smile.
© Sandy Hibbard

The day started early and ends quietly as the shadows slip into view from the juxtaposition of light cast from the skylights and windows against my body as it moves observingly across the soft brown wooden floor.

It’s raining outside and the quietness envelops me like a lightly woven shawl – comfortable and purposely draped to draw attention AWAY from my imperfections.

The ambient lighting from the strategically placed lamps throughout the rooms lend a feeling of warmth and mystery, romance and beauty.  A subtle illumination that is  always present to add charm and show the way.

My home is a shrine to my womanliness.  Well kept, a plethora of textures, art, books, photos, patterns – all to please my senses and collectively represent who I am and what I love.

My home is an extension of my desires.  Just like the multi-layered bric-a-brac found in this domain I have created, my desires are an eclectic mix of wants, needs, confusion, joys, unresolved pain, passions, unrequited love, misplaced understandings, and of course misunderstood events from my perspective.

Every single desire  can stand on it’s own, tell a compelling story, has a beginning, and has a purpose to drive me toward love.

In this moment, I am more aware of the individual collective of my soul and spirit than ever before.  What better comparison can I make than to my home?

My home is a reflection of my passion.  It reveals the depth of awareness, the eclecticity of my soul, and the longing for another to share it all with.

On my private canvas I can find a new treasure and place it among my favorite finds, I can work it in, make it fit, compliment it by pairing it with something else – because I find in each unique object something that delights me.  But adding in another heart and it’s menagerie of treasured wishes is not so easily accomplished!

Compromise is required as well as energy that is compassionately given in order to  create a loving environment to nurture every nuance of the heart. You must also work the sometimes unflattering elements into the mix, remove the cozy shawl to bravely reveal your imperfections too (that may be what’s needed to compliment!) and not be afraid.  Not be afraid!

To incubate another’s wish takes me on a journey toward acceptance without judgement of my own!  I learn to become cognizant of how and when to share my own private desires.   And then of course, it is finding the right person to compliment, the one who adds the right texture and provides the comfort, the light, the passionate charm.

Is it expecting too much from my collective heart to want the same thing from a partner as I would from my home? Comfort – rest – sustenance – shelter – growth – protection – safety – beauty – love?

When I was 17 I believed you could fall in love and it would last forever.  When I was 27 I believed that love was deep and strong and able to lift you above any obstacle.  When I was 37 I looked for love that would heal me.  When I was 47 I found that love could leave you stranded, broken, that is wasn’t necessarily forever.

Today, love looks like a comfortable sofa, that warms like a lightly woven scarf, that illuminates the way like an ambient lamp, that is practical and easy like a soft brown wooden floor. One heart that blends into another. Love that is a treasure that will stand on it’s own, that has a beginning and that has a purpose. Another heart that when mixed with mine will be a valued friend and partner who will become a treasure in my eclectic palette of home, life, and heart.

XOXOX

Sandy