When I was telling her (very vaguely) what I wanted in my life, I was unsure and stumbling all over my words.  I realized that I really wasn’t focused on what I was saying because I was too tired and stressed out and didn’t know for sure what I was feeling.  She said to me that she didn’t see the “sparkle” in my eyes when I was telling her about what I wanted to do.  Then later on in the conversation she said that I needed to get alone and find out “where my heart goes”.  That was it, that opened the gateway to thought and exploration.  Finding out where my heart goes will lead me to the passion my life requires!  Some years later, I have come to realize that finding where “my heart is going” is a real soul search!

I am a preacher’s kid.  Grew up in the church, was active in it all my young and teenage life.  I was a Jesus-Freak back in the day, protesting, passing out tracks on the streets, singing about Jesus in parking lots, ministering to street people.  Then as a young adult I was active in leadership in the church.  I co-pastored, taught Sunday school to adults, led a big choir and ran a music program, went to prisons, fed the hungry.  I was passionate.  Then life happens and we find ourselves moving on from a place of zeal into a place of “doing”.  I especially felt the reality of that when I got a divorce.  We move on…right?

Well, yes, and no.  We move on to grow up, mature and embrace a larger piece of life and reality.  But we also move away from the things that once brought a sense of purpose and fire to our hearts – the passion, the mission, the camaraderie of serving.  After talking to my friend this past week, I realized that we can move away from our heart’s path without ever knowing it.  We get cluttered up with the stuff we have to do, so much so, that we fail to take the time to listen to our hearts.  I have always believed that we are given certain talents, desires and gifts to use in this life.  If we don’t use them, then what the hell?

The truth is, I miss the passion, the mission, and the camaraderie I grew up with.  I miss working together with people who are seeking something better, wanting to give love with no strings attached.  I am haunted by memories of my past when my goals consisted of more than building a business, making money or getting a project done.  There is something each of us have within us that turns us on, something that stokes the fire that makes us who we are.  We are willing to follow it, commit to it, live for it, work for it and yes, sacrifice for it.

I have come to understand through my life and experiences, that we must treat our own hearts like we treat the heart of our treasured loved ones.  It must be nurtured, tended to and trusted.  When I spend the time with my heart, seeking it’s desire, I begin to experience the passion, the intrigue, the joy, of KNOWING it, over and over again.

Here’s to slowing down and emptying the busyness out for a time so that we can begin to know our hearts again!
Love and Peace,
Sandy