Listen to the spoken word with Sandy.
I feel I should explain a little about this writing, as it comes from a cynical place in my heart that I don’t often acknowledge, much less allow to be seen. A place that many of you may be familiar with due to all of your reasons, or, if you were raised in a religious home like me.
Breaking free from the cultish hold that religion can create on your mind and thinking is a tough thing. It has taken me over 20 years to begin to feel comfortable in following my own path away from the religious mores I grew up with. This is where “God is NOT Watching” came from. And if it is not a “religious” thing that connects you to this writing, perhaps it is a “perfection” thing. I have battled that too. From a small age I grew up thinking that God was always looking at me and judging everything I did, said, and thought. Sound familiar? Even though I believed him to be a loving and generous deity, I still felt I had to be perfect for him. I strove to be the best and most perfect girl-human I could be so that I would stay in his good graces. Maybe it was my perception of God, or something I learned from mom or dad, or just living in a glass house that made me feel like someone’s BIG eyes were on me at all times. It could be that way for you too, or perhaps a way of staying under control to our culture that we have learned, critical self-examination and morbid introspection that won’t let you just relax in who you are. Whatever it is that connects you to this writing, I hope it will inspire you to join me in the journey towards authenticity and finding true personal freedom.
Much love and hugs…
God is NOT Watching . . .
God is not watching
Momma’s not watching
No one is
No need to sit up straight
Or keep my hair in place
Don’t need perfect shoes and things
It’s just me
On my own
No one’s watching
No one’s coming for me while I sleep
No need to fear my own reason
Or keep my mind in check
There is no one reading it
I am free
To think
Be
Explore
Doubt
Curse
Laugh
Cry
Without limits
Love?
Why bother?
Who will notice if I do?
Hate? Who cares?
No one’s keeping score…
Why keep the fires burning in my heart?
Why keep the light on?
No ones expecting anything from me…
A light
A lover
A bride
It’s just me
What do I want?
What will I be?
Will I love because I feel it?
Will I give because I care?
Will I rest simply knowing
I am breathing
Sated
Able
No more waiting
For invisibles monsters
Or trying to please demanding Saviors
No more anxiety over gaining His approval
There is no one watching…
Without fear I will sleep
And explore to the ends of my imagination
In joy I will wake to another day
I will give out of the abundance of what I know
Cry because I’m overwhelmed with sadness
And love because that’s who I am
I live
I breathe
I join the human race
I will Be. Me.
© Sandy Hibbard 2017
