Madonna by Rankin

PONDER WITH ME THE IDEA OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

“To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don’t want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.” 
~ Madonna

Opening ourselves up to love, gives us opportunities to learn and expand our awareness in ways we wouldn’t have thought possible. Yet we build walls because love can be misunderstood, misplaced and misdirected… and sometimes, it can be treacherous.

When you think of love, I think we can all agree that we are at first selfish in our thoughts about it.  We look for love to fill something in ourselves – something that we need, a way to satisfy our desires and make us feel good about our life, secure, and less afraid of being alone on our journey.  It makes us feel connected, part of something that will give witness to our life.  As Dr. Scott Peck taught, it is a way of becoming “one” with the Universe, and fulfill the need each of us have to return to the bliss of the womb. So, offering our love for nothing in return and with no intent but to know the heart of another, is indeed a rarity, not to mention a difficult strategy for the human psyche to sustain. 

For many years, I have been intrigued and drawn to the idea of “unconditional love” – God love.  Asking nothing in return love. Love that is likened to the depth of love we have for our children. We would do anything to promote the well being of our offspring, to nurture them and make sure they know their value and worth.  To offer a sustainable plan of nurturing in order to see that all their needs are met for survival and success – physically, spiritually and emotionally, that is our main concern. Unconditional love also represents the universal idea that there is a higher Being that adores us, a Creator that understands us to the core and is our #1 cheerleader. The idea that we are not alone, but have “someone” who is always looking out for us and who purposes our lives with powerful gifts to make us complete as human beings and to fulfill our divine destiny.

Is it even possible that we humans can give love like that – asking nothing in return? In your mind, isn’t that the truest sense of love we could aspire to? And isn’t that what we want to receive? When we open our hearts to become vulnerable to someone, it is because in that moment we want to be one with them.  We don’t care about what we want, we only want what they want.  But we all know now long that lasts!  So… how do we approach this “higher” love?  Like in Madonna’s quote above, it takes bravery. Courage, just to give.

I think it’s important to talk about this. How many of us have shut our hearts off from ever allowing ourselves to feel again because someone hurt us and broke our heart and our ego?  WE HAVE built walls so thick and high and put on soul-armor to guard our hearts – using the constant dialog of “I really don’t have time, I don’t want to be hurt again, it takes too much effort, I don’t need, or have a desire for a relationship, I don’t want another friendship, love is just too painful”. Perhaps we have grown too afraid. We can easily shut down the world of love without even knowing it. Now I understand that there are a lot of people out there that do not want to be bothered with a relationship or with the responsibility of loving someone, but deep down don’t we all want to be loved? Don’t we want to have that confidence of knowing we are accepted just for who we are – good or bad – beautiful or not – young or old?  Hmmm. We want to be loved unconditionally, consistently, and without question.  I really do believe that. Am I crazy?

Ever wonder why out of all the people you meet, you truly connect with only a few?  Or in matters of romantic love, you may meet different people, date them, have sex with them, then you will meet that “one person” that simply fits. You fall absolutely in love with some, and yet can let others pass through your life with a casual “meh”…. I think it is an amazing thing and a miracle of energy that we connect with some like we do. And of course that goes with true friendships as well. Believe me, love doesn’t come in an “acceptable” package, necessarily.  We may fall in love with a man, a woman, someone younger, older, from a different culture or belief system, I could go on and on here. That is the beauty of love, as I see it.  The heart does not discriminate against the package your love come in, it just connects to your heart.  I think it is the most beautiful gift we have been given.

Maybe it’s all coincidence [how we connect], but maybe it’s not. What if we sincerely focused on staying in awareness, let go of judgment, and seek the answer to “why is this person in my life”? I’m basically saying, let’s don’t take the people in our lives for granted, maybe they are there for a reason. Going back to romantic love, what if the “object of our desire” is not meant to be a partner or lover?  What if they are in our life for a higher purpose, or for a unique lifetime friendship? Perhaps to learn something from, give something to, or share knowledge with. Or, maybe to learn how to say NO, find our strength to overcome something we’ve been hiding, or perhaps be an influence for another generation. (Maybe I am overthinking this.) What then? Perhaps it’s just a damn mistake, we were at the wrong place at the wrong time and met the wrong person. Will we walk away from the experience, harden our heart, build a stronger wall around our emotions simply because we don’t get what we want? Relationships often come to an end because someone doesn’t get what they want. I know I am way over simplifying this. There are exceptions of course, physical and emotional abuse, violence and mental illness, addictions and narcissism, but we are not talking about that here. Love that can encounter and overcome these kinds of problems is a divine love indeed.

Unreciprocated love – you know about that. When one person really loves the other person, but the other person doesn’t click with it for all their reasons. One person feels the “chemistry” but the other one doesn’t.  WTF? But what if that person is meant to serve a purpose in our soul – perhaps an opportunity to exchange a healing particle of the god within us. If we stay aware and in the moment, we may see an opportunity to look into the heart of that individual and learn from them, or perhaps give something from ourself that they need.  Someone told me long ago that you can be in love with someone and not “have” them.  “Having” someone is a misnomer anyway.  It’s a movie fantasy and a cultural story we have been sold our entire life.  I learned a good while ago that you could never really possess someone, especially the object of your affection.  Love must be free, remain free, and flow free. In that place where love flows freely, there is divine goodness, if we can only remain open to see it.

“Get out of your head, get out of your ego, to see the good that can come from any situation, and trust that it is going to work best for your life” …somehow.  I can tell you I have been in countless circumstances where I was in total bewilderment on why and how I arrived there.  Despondent, broken and hurting, yet hanging on to love was the only option I had, and I took it.  Years later, I can see how those situations that were shit turned into great soil for me to grow as a woman (on many levels) and positively effecting my children, loved ones and family in the process. I chose love and the result has been amazing love returned through incredible relationships that have grown with me through the years.  Look at the people that remain in your life, and then ask yourself “why?” they have remained.

Today I am musing on love.  I am thinking of my own heart and it’s individual  capacity to see the heart of someone to the point of pain, feel compassion, and offer what I have of myself to make a difference in their life.  Or to the point of sheer joy, where sharing comes naturally and teaches you how to endure, grow in tolerance and offer the opportunity to give, unconditionally. Can I do it?  It is possible to be in a place of giving where we don’t want, or expect, anything back?  I believe we all have something we can give. Please understand that we don’t always get back from the person we give to, but love returns, it always does – 100 times over.  It sure is a great big canvas to fill, and I certainly don’t have it figured out, maybe never will. But i am sure of this, love heals, it soothes, and when we give it freely, it is like removing the debris from a clogged stream and allowing all that is built up to flow freely to where it is meant to go. And not just for the person receiving it, but for the giver as well.

I want to get this.  To be overwhelmed with the hearts of people, to be mindful of the tremendous pain and hurt that so many deal with – and then to care.  To embrace humanity, practice acceptance and learn forgiveness. To leave a breadcrumb of myself to make just a little bit of a difference and to become more aware of the joy it brings in the process. Love, help us all to understand each other.  Love, create in each of us the awareness of the beauty we individually possess.  Love, show us how to give.

XOXOX
Sandy