To All the People I’ve Loved and Lost . . .

As time goes by, I am thoughtful and aware of the people who have been in my life, and surprisingly, those people who no longer play an active role in my life as well. I want to share my thoughts about those people, the lost ones.  It’s a painful thing, to loose a relationship. When I do, I can’t help but think about them and mourn them, I constantly try to find a remedy for the loss because I am the kind of person that finds it very hard to let someone go.  I love people and I am loyal, it has always been difficult for me to breakup or loose someone I have loved.

Today I am thinking about those people who I have loved, who have touched me, who I have shared my heart with, and those who have been woven into the fabric of my life…but, for whatever reason, chose to dissolve the relationship.  Some were sudden, painful endings, while others were simply a drifting apart. Some are gone – not because of death or tragedy or because I asked them to go – but because they chose to move on.  Perhaps it was due to misunderstandings, selfishness on their part, or simply something stupid that makes you rub your head and go “whaaaaat?”  That is what really bothers me! I tend to want to go back, hunt them down and say “what did I do wrong?” “You misunderstood me!”  “What happened, why the coldness, why have you shut me out?”  Nevertheless, you and I both know that doesn’t work, so I am reckoning that it is best to let these people go.

When people, on their own accord, move on, you have to let them.  It is for their reasons and their’s alone that they are leaving.  What do THEIR ACTIONS have to do with you? Yes, they AFFECT you, but they really do not have anything to do with you. Their ideas and perceptions create their opinions that draws their conclusions! You can’t change that. That is THE hardest thing to accept for me – that I can’t change their mind or their heart, I simply have to say “ok” and let them go.  I have experienced this several times in my life and each time I thought I would die, but I didn’t.  I had to learn to let go.

With that said, I am on a mission to understand, and honestly try to find the good in each lost relationship.  Part of that mission is to balance the scales of my own heart and learn how to settle the score (so to speak) within myself.  It is an opportunity to grow and become more aware as I learn to love purely, accept without judgment, and continuously check my heart, motives, and actions.  (And guess what? It takes a lot less energy to do my own check-ups than to attempt to check up and monitor everyone else!) I can’t do anything about the lost ones, but I certainly can do something about me.  That is where the growth happens and understanding begins to bring enlightenment.

My dear friend and life coach “Dr K” has for many years taught me the importance of accepting things for the way they are. Forgiveness is good but still leaves a hole that you feel like you must fill with answers.  Forgetting is wonderful, but can rob your life of happy productive years.  So, take a minute and ponder acceptance without judgment.

To my point – if you accept the actions of someone who has hurt you, and acknowledge that what they did and the pain it caused was THEIR doing and not yours – it has the power to release you from the effects of their actions. They did what they did for their own reasons; there is no way I can control their thinking and actions, so I must let it go.

The “without judgment” can be a tuff one, but I believe it is hand and glove with acceptance and being able to move on.  When I am present with myself and aware of who I am, letting someone go without judging them becomes enlightening to my own heart.  It takes the weight off me so that I can seek my own awareness  based on who I am and not what someone else thinks of me or needs/doesn’t need from me.

As I said, I am on a mission of discovery.  I am on a journey of “seeing” and “being”.  Sometimes this isn’t so easy for me, because accepting and not judging leaves me no other choice but to let it go and move on with my life. I can’t fix it.  I can’t fix them.  I am sure that loss of relationships and friendships isn’t easy for you.  And, like me, I bet that accepting things as they are sometimes is a struggle.  So, I encourage you to join me in my mission: Love and discover yourself, get in-tune with your own heart and motives, accept that you cannot change someone else’s perspectives and therefore their decisions – no matter how close you are to them – but you CAN develop and know your own perspectives and boundaries.  Be willing to learn from your losses and allow your understanding to grow. Why? A million reasons why!!  But here’s a good one: Because there are more relationships and other opportunities that await those of us who are looking for them!

Love and Hugs,
Sandy